Author: tom

Andreas Johnson – One Man Army

Energetic instrumentation, choruses and YouTube compression.

Tom: Ooh, Andreas Johnson. This bodes well.

Tom: Those opening notes have so much promise. It’s just waiting to burst out into a massive chorus!

Tim: Now, this isn’t as big or as loud as Solace was, but we still have the traditionally energetic instrumentation, choruses and YouTube compression that we expect from Herr Johnson, and I like this considerably. It’s basically your typical ‘I’ll do anything for you’ love song but ramped up to way beyond the usual.

Tom: And somehow it doesn’t seem melodramatic: I don’t know if it’s refuge in audacity or just very good production, but this sounds lovely. And how can an electric guitar part be ‘the quiet bit’? That’s amazing.

Tim: One of the best things about it is how just as you think it might be settling into repeat until fade territory, it comes back and blasts you with a bridge full of reasons why this person’s so great, why he loves her so much, and then a final declaration of devotion once again. If you’re paying attention to the lyrics, it’s beautiful.

Tom: Maybe when I go back and press ‘play’ again, I’ll do just that.

Tim: On the other hand, if you’re just paying attention to the lyrics, you’re missing out on a whole lot of fantastic music, so don’t do that.

The Benefits – Crash and Burn

I don’t have a problem with this.

Tim: You, reader, may be hoping for a cover of an Australian duo. If you are, get off this site.

Tom: Hey, Savage Garden weren’t that bad. I mean, admittedly “Affirmation” makes me want to punch the lead singer every time I hear it, and “The Animal Song” was bloody awful, but there was always “Truly Madly Deeply”. Although the cover Cascada* did was better.

Actually, you’re right, Savage Garden were quite bad.

* Would.

Tim: Unfortunately, the first few notes of the chorus remind me of Nickelback and/or Shayne Ward’s Gotta Be Somebody.

Tom: I’ve got Joe McWhatshisface’s version of “Ambition” through most of the chorus – there’s similar notes and that same falsetto break.

Tim: That aside, I don’t have a problem with this. I like: the buildup to the chorus, the chorus itself, the lengthy and varied bridge.

Tom: And I’m always a fan of string instrumentation in tracks like this.

Tim: It’s a slight shame the closing part isn’t a bit louder, though, because then we could say it comes crashing out of the bridge, and have a quiet chuckle at how humorous we are. As it is, we’ll just have to dream.

Arash – Broken Angel

A textbook Eurovision entry. (With bonus disturbing mental image!)

Tim: Arash Labaf, born in Iran and moved to Sweden at the age of ten, sings in Iranian. Helena Josefsson, Swedish through and through, sings in English. Got that? Good.

Tom: Tim, this is a textbook Eurovision entry right here. I don’t think it’d win – I think it’d be one of the plodding mid-level ones that sits somewhere in the middle of the board – but it’s a Eurovision song if I ever heard one.

Tim: Now, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what’s going on in the video, mainly because I don’t understand his singing, so let’s ignore that.

Tom: Fun fact for you though: if you ever do the “collapse in the shower, hugging your knees” thing that she does in the video? It is impossible to get back up with any dignity at all. Can’t be done. You have to sort of shift over onto sort-of-all-fours and then try to stand up without falling over – while you’re naked and being soaked by the shower. That’s something you never see in these music videos, is it?

Tim: That, sir, is an image I absolutely and definitely never ever wanted in my head. I hate you.

However, in the interests of professionalism (ha) I shall put that aside, and talk about the music, which for the first 25 seconds is a middle of the road summer Eurodance tune and is nice; this is the case for all the parts where she is singing. When he starts singing, it is rather different, and the combination almost results in it seeming like two songs spliced together.

I don’t mind this at all – in fact, I think it works very well, with the consistent backing beat coming in to link them up. Sure, it won’t be to everybody’s taste – that would be ridiculous – but it seems a rather uplifting tune. (Given what the video looks like, this is almost certainly not the case – remind me never to learn Iranian.)

Tom: There is a lot of crying in that video.

Saturday Flashback: Sasha – Goodbye

Oh, that’s fantastic.

Tom: Almost all ‘goodbye’ songs are somehow maudlin or melancholy. This is neither.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUw1TMB2j3s

Tom: This isn’t an “oh, I’m so sad, I have to leave you” song – this is an “I’ve accomplished all I can do here, and now it’s time to move on”. It’s a little bit triumphant without being over the top; a little bit sad without being depressing. I played it quite a lot just before I left York – and while that won’t mean a lot to most of our readers, there’s a few out there that’ll understand it.

Tim: Oh, that’s fantastic. A proper sway your head from side to side chorus, and for a sad-ish song, albeit with a ‘you’ll be okay’ subtext, it sounds ridiculously cheerful. Though for leaving university, I have to admit I went with something a bit classier.

Tom: I’m not sure quite what the bridge does, musically speaking, but I can say that personally it makes me break out into a grin every time – as does the textbook key change at the end of it.

Tim: Exactly – it does what all good bridges do by providing a moment of calm in an otherwise energetic song, and a sense of anticipation for a good exit and final part. And it absolutely does not disappoint – a proper big smile on my face, there.

Tom: As for Sasha himself: well, he’s got quite a long and varied musical history – perhaps the strangest pat being when he performed as his alter ego “Dick Brave” for a couple of years. But right now I couldn’t care about that; I’m too busy wearing a contented smile and looking forward to whatever’s happening next.

Lady Gaga – Born This Way

An emergency late-night post: It’s amazing. And brilliant. And fantastic.

Tom: An emergency late-night post from the Europlop team now, as we’ve just had our first listen to this. We’re not waiting until Monday.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4a8QtvOkBQ

Tim: It’s amazing. And brilliant. And fantastic. And amazing. Even though I said that already.

Tom: That spoken-word introduction made me wary, but then bloody hell that is amazing. We’re talking one-man first-listen desk-rave rave here.

Tim: Is a lot of it just hype? Possibly.

Tom: A one-man first-listen desk-rave, Tim. That never happens. Although I did calm down a bit after and realise it’s probably just Very Good rather than The Greatest Thing Ever. But it’s still very good.

Tim: It broke a record, going to number one in iTunes within three hours of being released, and that certainly wouldn’t have happened if the same record had been released by some unknown person.

On the other hand, that’s a stupid thing to say because it hasn’t been released by some unknown person, it’s been released by the most notable person in music right now. And that shines right through in the music, which is brilliant. Did I say that already?

Tom: Don’t know. Too busy dancing.

Tim: You may be one of those people that hates songs with Messages, and this is undoubtably one of those. But I don’t care, even if I normally would, because it’s fun, it’s energetic, it’s happy, it’s jumping around like a kid who’s just been given a pogo stick. There is just so much here, there’s just, well, everything. Basically, anybody who doesn’t like it is a moron.

Rebound – Psycho

Mentally deranged lyricist. Ah. (With bonus INJU5TICE catch-up!)

Tim: Apologies on their behalf for the weirdness of this video.

Tom: Blimey, “director of photography” and “effects” credits in the opening? This should be good. Full marks for having an entire freak-out break in the middle of it, which means the song can’t be ripped (or even repetitively watched) on YouTube. I’m surprised more record companies aren’t pulling stunts like that.

Tim: Okay, let’s run through what this song has:

  • Declarations of love. Good.
  • Not bad chorus. Good.
  • Singers that aren’t overly autotuned. Good.
  • Mentally deranged lyricist. Ah.

Feel free to disagree with me, but a chorus that begins with the line ‘I love you like a psycho’ really is more likely to end up with a restraining order than a wedding ceremony. That’s a shame, because I actually really like this song. The music’s catchy, and there’s a chorus you could sing along to, if you were weird. Come to think of it, it wouldn’t sound remotely out of place on a JLS album.

Tom: Those are pretty much my thoughts exactly, although that “ey-oh, ey-oh” bit does remind me uncomfortably of everyone’s favourite unintentional comedy band INJU5TICE.

Tim: Ooh! Speaking of INJU5TICE, I found out something fantastic recently. Apparently, they once got a train from Northampton to London (two hour round trip) for one reason and one reason only: to take a photo with Beefy, a cat belonging to Heat magazine. (Source.)

Tom: Second INJU5TICE fun fact – they were backed by producer Ian Levine, who – despite his best efforts – is possibly best known for what he later described to the Guardian as “absolute balls-up fiasco … pathetic and bad and stupid”. If you value your sanity, you should not view the Bring Back Doctor Who charity single ‘Doctor In Distress‘, nor should you read the horrible backstory (scroll down).

Tim: “It almost ruined me.” Shame about the almost, really.

But anyway, back to the psychopaths we were originally discussing: if it weren’t for the ‘let me’ in the last line of the chorus, the song would seem more like a warning to his, let’s face it, victim, especially with the line ‘Lock me in a room and throw away the key.’ Yes. Yes, I think I will, if you don’t mind.

Basto! – Gregory’s Theme

It’s the Jimmy Hart Version of Bromance.

Tim: Belgium isn’t generally known for dance music. Chocolates, yes. Finished diamonds as well, apparently.

Tom: And waffles.

Tim: But dance music, not so much. However, we should change this. Recently we discovered Ian van Dahl were from there, and now here’s another of the country’s exports.

Tom: I went to Belgium once. It wasn’t the most exciting place I’ve visited. This song will have to do a lot to overcome my inherent indifference towards the country.

Tim: Now, once you’ve got past the ‘this is brilliant’ and ‘who’s Gregory?’ phases, your next thought may well be ‘hmm, it’s a bit familiar.’ And yes, it is. It’s almost certainly inspired (perhaps even based on) Tim Berg’s Bromance, which we featured a while back and enjoyed intensely.

Tom: I’d go with “ripped off from”. It’s the Jimmy Hart Version of Bromance – close enough that you’re not going to get sued, but blatantly the same track.

Tim: Well then, question: does it matter? Because this is unquestionably a Good Tune, and quite likely floor-filler. Is it different enough for it not to be the same tune? Yes, of course it is. It is close enough that when I hum it to myself I occasionally end up slipping into Bromance? Well, also yes.

I’m now in a slightly awkward situation. By and large, I highly dislike it when people say ‘oh, it sounds like this, it’s not original, they must have copied it, therefore this is crap,’ as I generally prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. But here, I just can’t do that. However, because it is so good, regardless of its history I shall give it a big thumbs up. Although part of that decision is because I thought Bromance was great.

Tom: I don’t think it’s as good, and here’s why: Bromance didn’t need vocals. Its melody didn’t get boring half way through, whereas this one does – it’s missing something, and that something is a Love U Seek-style mashup.

I suspect it won’t be long until one arrives.

Tim: Do you know, I think you might be right there.

Lucky Twice – Love Song

It’s a very dance-y dullness, isn’t it?

Tim: A song that was recorded about eighteen months ago, from a group that split up almost a year ago, and whose video is finally seeing the light of day now. And it’s a video straight from the 1980s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I4SGSchkh8

Tom: Ooh. Now that has a beat to it. It’s like an 80s director suddenly got a copy of After Effects from the future.

Tim: I have a few problems with this, aside from the general dullness of the track.

Tom: It’s a very dance-y dullness, though, isn’t it? This is something I’d expect to run into in the middle of a Eurodance megamix – catchy, generic, but good enough to keep you moving and smiling.

Tim: It is, I must agree, but the first issue I have is related: that underlying beat is practically identical to another track. I’m not sure which one (and that’s another problem, because I spent the whole time trying to think what it was), and I thought it was Can You Feel It, but it isn’t, quite. But anyway, it’s a fairly dominant beat, and it’s there throughout the whole track. Even though it’s not a direct lift, it’s just too annoying.

Tom: I think you’re remembering the Steps version of ‘Tragedy’, which has the same ‘one-TWO, three’ beat.

Tim: YES! Thank you.

Tom: But it’s not close enough – I think it’s more that just they’re all generic pop beats with a standard chord progression. And there’s nothing wrong with that, Tim, because this particular variation on those generic pop beats is really very danceable indeed.

Tim: True, I suppose. But anyway, that is not the main problem. Not by a long way. Because the question I found myself asking after I heard it is: what were they thinking? Seriously. At 2:25, why? I mean, that’s not just a missed opportunity, that’s an actual crime against music. There SHOULD BE a key change there, regardless of whether you think they’re good or not.

Tom: You’re absolutely right! Can’t believe they didn’t do it.

Tim: What with that and the beat, it’s as though the producer hadn’t actually heard music before making this. It’s no wonder they split up.

Tom: Can’t hear you. I’m too busy dancing in my seat and hitting ‘play’ again.

Elton John and Leon Russell – When Love Is Dying

Soulful, melancholic Elton.

Tom: I’m not doubting that Elton John is a genius. If I could have seen the Red Piano tour when I was in Vegas a few years ago, I would have been there; he’s brilliant. But like the Pet Shop Boys and many other artists, he’s put out a lot of singles in his time – and a lot of them have sunk without trace. The reason he can put a double CD ‘Greatest Hits’ out isn’t necessarily representative of his hit rate, but testament to just how many songs he’s written and sung.

Leon Russell may be less familiar to you; he’s just been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and has a biography that is essentially the history of modern popular music.

And so last year, the two of them brought out an album called The Union – and a single is eventually making it out to give it a post-release boost. I’m glad of that – because if it’s anything to go by I may well have to get the full album. This is textbook soulful, melancholic Elton – “Your Song” or “Sacrifice” rather than “Crocodile Rock”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JY3vg2wgE_Y

Tim: Not bad, really. Halfway through each verse I want to jump in with ‘I’ll stand by you’, but it’s decent enough.

Tom: I don’t think it’s going to enter the public consciousness in the same way as those earlier songs, but it’s still making me sway in my seat and hold my metaphorical lighter in the air. To still be releasing music this good after forty years of releasing and performing? That’s amazing right there. Cliff Richard could only manage the bloody “Millennium Prayer” after forty years.

I do wish the bloke with the bass drum would tone it down a bit though – and I’m sure there’s a bit more autotune-tweaking than there really needs to be in there, which is a bit of a shame.

JLS feat. Tinie Tempah – Eyes Wide Shut

This was inevitable.

Tom: I suppose a collaboration like this was inevitable. There’s only so far you can go with boy-band ballad harmony, and getting someone else in to do the rap vocals is a better idea than letting any of the condom-peddlers have a go.

Tim: Yeah, but – he isn’t, really. He’s there for less than fifteen seconds; according to maths that works out to about six and half percent, which barely justifies the ‘featuring’. The cynical part of me would suggest that they’re aiming for the Tinie Tempah fans, because for whatever reason the JLS fans aren’t enough. God knows why, though – they’ve not really had a problem getting a number 1 before now.

Tom: There’s hardly any interaction between the two, though. JLS sing. And then Tinie Tempah raps for a bit. And then JLS sing for a bit more. With the exception of a couple of quick exclamations at the end, it’s almost as if Tinie just recorded his verse to a click track and let the producers paste it in later.

Tim: Weird thing: Tinie’s yelling out the names, but thirty seconds into the song after JLS have done their bit. It’s as though they correctly thought, ‘Yelling out names at the start of the record is silly. Let’s make our song properly,’ but then he came along and said, ‘What’s this? I’m a rapper, I can’t be in a song but not yell my name out a the start! How dare they try and stop me.’

Tom: Speaking of which: I reckon you’re thinking “this sounds a lot like Calvin Harris’ I’m Not Alone“. And you’d be right – because Calvin Harris produced this too, not so much ‘laying down’ the track as ‘copying and pasting’ it.

And, while we’re at it, did they really have to rip the title from Stanley Kubrick? I’m assuming JLS aren’t getting involved in masked orgies. If they were, the tabloids would be onto them like a shot.