Little Mix – One I’ve Been Missing

“Certainly more mopey than any Christmas song ought to be.”

Tim: There is precisely one question that needs to be asked about any Little Mix Christmas song: is it as good as the absolutely outstanding, 10 out of 10, Christmas version of Love Me Like You?

Tim: No. But obviously, it could never be – that song is one of the best Christmas songs of the decade.

Tom: I actually can’t tell how many layers of irony you’re using there.

Tim: Quite honestly, none at all, I love it. As to whether it’s any good on its own: hmm. It doesn’t quite venture into ‘dirge’ territory, but it is certainly more mopey than any Christmas song ought to be.

Tom: Now, see, I disagree there. I’ve got a very direct comparison here: Mud’s Lonely This Christmas. For two reasons: yes, it’s a mopey Christmas song, but also, it literally ends with the same notes of Jingle Bells!

Tim: Hmm, maybe, but that one has mopey lyrics as well, so at least the mood fits. Here, though, we’ve a lyrically happy and upbeat song. Take the line “I need to show you how much I love you” – like, if that’s the case, put some effort in! And then there’s the line “now that I have you here” – celebrate it! These lyrics deserve to have similarly upbeat instrumentation and vocals – not to be sung along as a tedious ballad, with whiny backing vocals at the end. Basically: do what you’re singing, and sound like you’re having fun.

Tom: That’s fair. But the fans will love it, no doubt.

Robbie Williams – Time For Change

“THE DOG WINKED AT THE CAMERA, TOM.”

Tim: You might be thinking “you WHAT, mate?”; you might be thinking “eh, guess it had to happen eventually”; either way: Robbie’s done a Christmas album.

Tom: I noticed, thanks to all the advertising for it — and for his two-night Christmas special show at Wembley Arena. Fair play, though, if anyone can sell that out and put on a good show, it’s Robbie Williams.

Tim: A double album, to be precise, with one disc of covers and one of new tracks. Here’s one of the latter (with, advance warning: a couple of lines sung by kids in the pre-chorus).

Tom: That guitar introduction reminded me a lot of “Back for Good”, and I was optimistic for a while. And then…

Tim: And then THE DOG WINKED AT THE CAMERA, TOM. TWICE. What a good dog it is, hope it got a great present this year.

Tom: …well, yes, there’s that too.

Tim: Other stuff: yep, that’s a Robbie Williams Christmas song. He said he’s written it in the same vibe as I Believe In Father Christmas (love that one) and Happy Xmas (War Is Over), a mixture of melancholy and optimism, applicable particularly if things are a bit shit – he reckons it could be sung any year because there’s always “some sort of crisis”, but reckons this year it particularly applies to Britain. Maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t (though, yeah, it is), but either way it’s a valid theme to sing about, so why not? And it’s a good song, as well.

Instruments, lyrics and, yep, kids: it’s all there and Christmassy. Quite catchy, memorable, all in all a pretty good track.

Tom: Agh, and this is where I disagree. It all goes wrong in the chorus for me: it’s just a plodding, funereal melody that’s been given a stereotypical wall-of-sound treatment to make it sound like it should be a Christmas song. And I know, yes, that’s the theme of it, it’s all spelled out, it’s just that ultimately I don’t like the result.

Tim: Oh, shame. Incidentally, those quotes above came of a ‘behind the scenes’ YouTube playlist he’s made discussing all the tracks; apparently this is the one that he really hopes hangs around year after year.

Tom: Ah, “joining the Pantheon of Christmas Songs”. I don’t hold out much hope. But then if Lennon’s dirge can manage it, maybe this can too.

Tim: Fingers crossed, then.

Saara Aalto – Every Christmas Day

“We’re a good twenty seconds in and it’s kind of OH NO WAIT HERE WE GO”

Tim: Alright then: the lights are up, my festive Lego sets are out, so let’s get Christmas going! First up, we’ve an EP from the one and only Saara Aalto, with a song written by the one and only Kylie Minogue. Yes, you read that right.

Tom: I’ve decided that I’ve got a different challenge this year, Tim, because admittedly my usual bleak and bah-humbug outlook doesn’t go well. Instead, I’m looking for just one song that could join The Pantheon of Christmas Songs: one that will still be on a Christmas compilation album in 10 years’ time. If, indeed, Christmas album compliations are still a thing by 2030.

I think there’s only been one song we’ve talked about here, in all the years, that might be there: Kelly Clarkson’s Underneath the Tree.

Tim: “This sounds a bit quiet,” you’re thinking. “We’ve a track written by Kylie, performed by Saara, and there’s nothing much happening,” you’re muttering. “We’re a good twenty seconds in and it’s kind of OH NO WAIT HERE WE GO,” you exclaim in delight, involuntarily moving your body left and right in time with the beat that’s suddenly appeared, sounding exactly as it should do.

Tom: I’m going to assume you’re talking to our reader, there, because all I got, sadly, was a “yes, that sounds like Kylie”. To be fair, that is a strong compliment: there is a lot to like about this song! Almost all Christmas tracks are cheap churned-out cash-ins and this really doesn’t feel like that. Change the lyrics a bit, remove a bit of the jingle, this could be a decent pop track any time of the year.

Tim: Now, I’ll accept there’s every chance I was predisposed to like this purely based on the names involved, but I’ve a feeling this is roughly exactly what a good Christmas dance pop tune should sound like – nothing too BANGING or THUMPING but still with a heavy amount of life to it, and lots of twinkly notes and a few sleight bells to get across the festivity. Lyrics that really keep wanging on about Christmas, sung in Saara’s lovely voice, and what else can you ask for in a Christmas song?

Tom: It’s a strong start to the month, Tim, I’ll give you that. I worry that it’s all downhill from here, but — for once, this year — I’m actually going to allow myself a little bit of hope.

Malou Prytz – If It Ain’t Love

“There’s very little to dislike about that, is there?”

Tim: It is DECEMBER and thus CHRISTMAS but since you’re you, Tom, we won’t get into that brilliant new Saara Aalto track that was written by Kylie, and instead we’ll have this, a track that could entirely feasibly come out at any point of the year. How dull.

Tom: Fine. FINE OKAY SEND THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC TOMORROW. You know what, everything else is so dark this year, if you want to start Christmas early and run it for as long as possible, let’s just go for it. Until tomorrow, though.

Tim: And let’s be frank, there’s very little to dislike about that, is there?

Tom: You’re right. Although I think you’re also right in the introduction; you didn’t say “it’s a bit generic”, but you certainly implied it.

Tim: Verses are good, getting the song going and not being dull while doing it; chorus comes in with a great pounding sound to really wake us all up and get going. If there’s anything I’m not keen on, it’s the ending – just seems a bit brutal and abrupt. Aside from that, though – absolutely fine.

Tom: See you tomorrow, then, for something more… festive.

Saturday Flashback: Maroon 5 – Memories

“Ew.”

Tom: Do you remember the UK Eurovision selection process this year, Tim, when Jordan Clark sang Freaks?

Tim: I do, yes. Intensely.

Tom: We never talked about it here, but I do remember us both being grumpy that they’d just gone a crap version of Pachelbel’s Canon in D. Not just the chord progression, but the melody and everything.

Tim: I was further annoyed because, although the studio version was complete and total garbage, the staging around it made it not quite so bad.

Tom: And then I was even more annoyed, because the bloody song got stuck in my head, because of course it did, it’s Canon in D.

Tim: Of course.

Tim: Ew.

Tom: It’s like that, only more frustrating.

Tim: And with a video that’s just plain weird.

Måns Zelmerlöw – One

“It’s almost as if he’s decided it’s time to mature from dance pop to Radio 2 pop.”

Tim: Tom, you do video stuff – do you think this has actually been filmed in one long shot, or have we got loads of hidden cuts when he’s behind the trees?

Tom: The cut at 1:30 is suspicious, but honestly cutting like that is just good video direction. I suspect that they filmed several continuous takes, and then just cut between the best parts of each.

But what surprises me is the motion-tracking: adding 3D leaves into a scene like that is a really time-consuming and expensive effect for a video like this. But there are loads and loads of points where the masking is completely and obviously wrong, like the roto matte has been slipped a couple of frames off, and leaves just disappear or reappear in thin air. I really feel for the VFX editors on this, they must have been up against it, but I have no idea how that got through.

Tim: Second question: who is it that he sounds like at 48 seconds? It might not be any particular voice, but it’s almost reminiscent of, say, a boyband singer coming back as a soloist after ten years off. This, along with his track we featured last month, and the rest of the album really, kind of comes across like a much more grown up Måns sound (though that seems weird to say given that he’s only a couple of months older than me).

Tom: I can’t place that voice, and I had to go back and listen again without the video, so I was actually paying attention to the sound. You’re not wrong: this is much more middle-of-the-road.

Tim: It’s almost as if he’s decided it’s time to mature from dance pop to Radio 2 pop, which is…well, it’s not disastrous because it’s still quite enjoyable, but I guess I have a kind of “wait, already?” feel about it. Can’t you wait a bit longer before growing up?

Sigala feat. Ella Henderson – We Got Love

“Bit of alright, isn’t it?”

Tim: Around about this time last year he teamed up with Ella Eyre about having just got paid; now he’s on with another Ella chatting about having bills to pay. Sure, why not.

Tim: Bit of alright, isn’t it?

Tom: It’s one of those songs where the lyrics make less and less sense the more you think about them. Ideally, it’d be exciting enough that you don’t really think about the lyrics, but…

Tim: Sure, it’s not a dance floor classic like Easy Love or We Came Here For Love (I’m spotting a theme with the names here), but it’ll absolutely do just fine for an up and about tune in a largely dull November.

Tom: Low expectations: MET. Although to be fair, I did really start to enjoy that last chorus.

Tim: I’d hang around on the dance floor for it, and I doubt I’d be the only one.

Boy In Space feat. SHY Martin – On A Prayer

“A duet with a narrative!”

Tim: Speedy one for you today, barely hitting the two and a half minute mark, and it’s a duet with a narrative!

Tim: I still find it weird how rare it is that male/female duets do actually make sense as two people singing to each other rather than at each other.

Tom: Yep. The only example that comes to mind is when you were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. Second-person duets are rare.

Tim: So it’s genuinely really nice to see it happen here — well, sort of, it’s still a bit garbled but I’ll take what I can get. As for the rest of it, all fairly standard.

Tom: “Favour” and “prayer” is definitely a bit of a tortured rhyme that only works in some dialects, but sure. There’s not much that stands out here, but there’s nothing much wrong either.

Tim: Nice music, pleasant voices, and all done and dusted before we get bored. Lovely.

Jessie J – One More Try

“You say ridiculous, I say IT’S AMAZING and HOW HAS THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.”

Tom: “& Juliet” is a Max Martin jukebox musical. Yes, that’s ridiculous, but that’s apparently the point that the West End has reached now.

Tim: Hmm, you say ridiculous, I say IT’S AMAZING and HOW HAS THIS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

Tom: It is essentially the Max Martin Greatest Hits, and as with any greatest hits album, they’ve added one brand new song onto it that no-one asked for.

Tom: But of course, it’s Max Martin, so that one new song is actually pretty good.

Tim: Was there ever any doubt?

Tom: I don’t think it’s a classic, and I don’t think it’s going to be troubling the charts too much, but as a perfect demonstrate of The Genre, it’s not bad.

Tim: True. It’s definitely a show number, though – the build through the verses and choruses would be much more accelerated if it were to be released as a regular pop song. Perfectly good track for a musical, though.

Tom: Every trick’s there: the emotional piano, the harmonies in the final chorus. It’s almost a self-parody. Almost.

Jon Henrik Fjällgren feat. Elin Oskal – The Way You Make Me Feel

“It’s joik time!”

Tim: I dd initially hope this’d be a Ronan Keating cover, because that’s a severely underrated track.

Tom: I mean, sure, go for the obscure reference over the obvious one. Mind you, you’re not wrong.

Tim: On the other hand, I’m always up for a new Jon Henrik track.

Tom: It’s joik time!

Tom: Good heavens, that’s a beautiful video. I suppose “put the singers in Scandic nature at golden hour, film them with expensive cameras” is basically a shortcut to having a beautiful video, but still. Some very odd choices in there (odd warp stabilisation, and a shot that appears to be crushed into the wrong aspect ratio), but still.

Tim: Right, well if we were to go with points out of ten, I would dock precisely one point: thing is, we all know he’s all in favour of a truly excellent key change, and the end of the middle eight here would be an absolutely perfect location for one, basically to the extent that it seems wrong that there isn’t one.

Tom: It does have a full fake-ending though, with a brilliant final chorus.

Tim: Having said that, though, that is the one and only thing I would dock a point for, because everything else about it is entirely and totally lovely. He’s brought along what’s pretty much the same melody he uses for his part every time–

Tom: Harsh, but not entirely unfair.

Tim: –given the featured singer some great work to do, stuck some fantastic production over the whole thing and wrapped it all together in a phenomenally pretty video. Almost faultless. Almost.