Tom: All right, Tim, hold on. Let’s leave the key changes and schlager aside for a moment – it’s time for us to attempt a track that, as two middle-class white guys, we are utterly unqualified to review.
Tom: Let’s be honest: this is Guns N’ Roses ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ reinterpreted for 21st century kids.
Tim: Don’t like it.
Tom: Thought that might be the reaction. Still, there’s clearly an audience for this if he’s on the fourth single, and it’s pretty listenable. He’s milking the album a bit, though; this is the fourth single from “Alive ‘Til I’m Dead”, at which point you can probably justifiably claim he’s just stalling before getting some new material out.
Tim: Which’ll probably be rubbish.
Tom: “Welcome to Hackney / A place where I think somebody’s been playing Jumanji”. I’ll be honest: a kitschy Robin Williams film is not a reference I expected to hear at the start of this.
Tim: It’s rubbish.
Tom: I don’t think you can claim the video glamorises anything.
Tim: Or that the video’s good. Or that the song’s good.
Tom: Right. Mental note. Don’t suggest any more grime tracks to Tim.