Tom: Can you forgive her for kicking Our Cheryl off the US X Factor, Tim?
Tim: Yes, bec—
Tom: Don’t worry, I don’t actually care about the answer.
Tom: Before we talk about the song, let’s handle that video. That’s 50 Cent, wearing outdoor clothing in front of a bad bluescreen. Know what that reminds me off?
Tim: I’m worried that I might.
Tom: That’s right: it’s Hoff time.
Tim: And, there it is.
Tom: And frankly, I think the Hoff’s track is a damn sight better than this. She’s got INJU5TICE syndrome with all the eh-eh-ehs, and the endless “me like” is just as irritating. Is there a melody in there anywhere? I’m not sure. And okay, Fiddy’s good at what he does and his opening rap isn’t bad – but then it’s straight back to ‘hurr this is how good I am in bed’.
Tim: Forget the music, I’m slightly in awe of the video, or at least the start of it – it is, without question, the worst opening 90 seconds of a music video for a song by two big artists for the past long long time. The cheap blue screen, the incredibly dodgy sliding pavement, the weird synchronised-chicken dancing.
Tom: There’s an actual repeat-until-fade though. How often do we see that any more?
Tim: Normally, that happens if they can’t think of a good ending for a song. I suppose here, their acknowledging that means they can sort of avoid the bigger truth that they couldn’t think of a good beginning or middle either.
Tom: Bring back the Hoff, that’s what I say.