Tim: This year, like last year, Ireland has five songs in its shortlist for Eurovision. This year, unlike last year, they’re all rather good, and several are excellent. They’re being decided this Friday, so let’s take them one at a time.
Tom: Hold on. There’s one particular song in there that I’m worried about. Are you just leading up to a Jedward Friday Punchline?
Tim: They’re scheduled fifth, yes, but until then, let’s start with number one:
Tim: Starts out like it’s just stepped off a boat from Rivendell, but quickly cheers up a bit. Maintains that Celtic folky feel throughout – sounds properly old-school Irish, a bit like what you’d hear if you were to imagine a leprechaun school disco.
Tom: No, I think you’ll find that this is exactly that. It seems to be the Irish equivalent of a Bollywood disco. (Side note: how compressed is that music? The melody drops out every time there’s a bass kick!)
Tim: Perhaps the compression algorithm rewards those who put effort into the music; one of the cheapest dance tracks of the past decade doesn’t really stand a chance. (Still must confess to liking it, though.)
Anyway, I do realise that I may have just insulted an entire nation and its long and distinguished history, with that first sentence, but it’s meant in a good way, I promise.
Tom: Mm. Let’s move on quickly.
Tim: Well you see, I don’t know much about what Ireland’s currently producing musically, but as far as I’m concerned, Eurovision should be about a country and its music coming together, and if this is it, then bring it on.
Tom: So for each of these songs, I’m judging them on a different criterion than usual: are they likely to win Eurovision? And my verdict for this is: no. No it’s not. Middle to bottom of the table, not likely to get through the semi-final, I reckon. And is it really Irish music coming together?
Tim: That’s the thing – and if all this does is help perpetuate, via people like me, an old and out-dated stereotype that Ireland is full of little green men with bells on their hats and shoes, always going on about pots o’ gold, it’s probably best left at home, far away from Azerbaijan.
Tom: Especially if they want to score points.