Tim: Tom, if you’d be so good as to reach behind you and sound the SCHLAGERTASTIC SIREN, we can begin.
Tom: WOOP WOOP! That’s the sound of… oh. The police, apparently. I think I’ve lost my siren.
Tom: Oh god, that’s more syrupy than a maple sap convention. (Sorry about that: sound the APPALLING ANALOGY SIREN, please.)
Tim: WOOP WOOP! That’s the sound of the APPALLING ANALOGY SIREN – I look after my toys. But it is syrupy, isn’t it, and beautifully so.
It’s all in there from the intro – the annoyingly upbeat singing, the gentle ‘start tapping your feet NOW’ tune behind it. Admittedly the verse isn’t all that, but the chorus is something you’ll either loathe or, if you’re sensible (and if you’re reading this you probably are), not be able to help swaying to, desperately trying to keep your hands by your side rather than waving them in the air like a commuting nutjob.
Tom: I was all ready to loathe it, and then I realised that my foot was automatically tapping along. DAMN YOU LEWIN.
Tim: And then there’s the obligatory you-know-what.
Tom: Voldemort? Oh, key change, got it.
Tim: It’s not as spectacular as it might be.
Tom: Neither was Voldemort. He gets the wind machines and pyrotechnics, but does he have backup dancers? No. He’d never win Eurovision, that’s for sure.
Tim: Well, the closest thing he’d have would be backup dementors, and they’d really kill the mood. But if we could move back to reality for a second, I’d have liked some sort of musical explosion in the background for said key change, even though that would sound totally out place, but we can’t have everything. But you know the best thing? This doesn’t sound out of date. Schlager’s a style of music that by all rights should be dancing around on a zimmerframe by now, but it’s been put together so well that it would fit in fine on any 2012 dancefloor. Top marks.