Tom: Right, brace yourself, Tim. It’s Summer Charity Songs today and tomorrow.
Tim: Oh, really?
Tom: We start with this one, for the Jubilee.
Tim: Well, it would take a special kind of person who negatively reviews that, so I won’t be him. But I will say: oh, bloody hell.
Tom: First of all, let’s get the ridiculous bits out of the way: yes, it has Gary Barlow travelling the world like some kind of beardy musical messiah on a walkabout. Yes, it has a conductor in a bow tie. And yes, it’s almost certainly inspired by the wonderful, world-wide cover of Stand By Me that did the rounds.
Tim: Ridiculous-wise, those things don’t even compare to it. What about the opening?
Tom: Yes, there are more ridiculous things here. It starts with Prince Charles listening to it. And Prince Charles is inherently ridiculous. Full marks to Prince Harry, mind, for amiably handling his occasional tambourine taps with a knowing grin.
Tim: Well, there is that.
Tom: Actually, hang on: there’s more ridiculous things. They rhymed “sing it clearer” and “everyone will hear ya”. Not “you”. “Ya”. Plus, it’s partly written by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Plus, plus, plus, there isn’t even a damned key change, and if ever a song needed one…
Tim: Yes – it really does go on, doesn’t it? Especially the marching band bit at the end, which sounds horribly disjointed from the rest of it.
Tom: The thing is, it’s not a bad piece of music. It’s just a bit ridiculous.