Tim: Charity single! Ask me what charity it’s for.
Tom: What charity’s it for, Tim?
Tim: Not a clue. Something to do with children, though, and you’ll be delighted when you find out how I’ve deduced that.
Tom: Oh, I don’t like the way this is going.
Tim: That’s right, it’s CHILDREN’S CHORUS TIME! It’s also, joyously and sickeningly, a song with lyrics written by said children, whose title means “Summer Is Here”. Doesn’t the concept make you want to vomit?
Tom: Yes. Yes it does.
Tim: AND YET: doesn’t the song make that impossible, because it’s so lovely? Said kiddy-written lyrics are as harmless, happy and, let’s face it, banal as you’d expect, talking about fishing with grandpa, eating ice cream, walking the dog and dancing to Moves Like Jagger.
Tom: I did have to go back and check that I’d actually heard those words and that it wasn’t my brain making Swedish words sound almost-English. Nope. “Moves Like Jagger” is in there. I’m assuming that “um te um te um ti um” doesn’t need translating.
Tim: I don’t think so, no. Now, you (Tom and/or reader) may be feeling grouchy–
Tom: I am. Believe me, I am. I wasn’t before I heard this song.
Tim: –but do this for me: force a smile on your face, listen to the chorus, sway your body from side to side and SING ALONG. If that doesn’t keep the smile on your face then you’re just an EVIL PERSON who HATES CHILDREN.
Tom: Hey, you don’t have to be evil to hate children!
Tim: No, but you’d have to be evil not to smile and hate children not to like this song; ergo, an EVIL PERSON who HATES CHILDREN.
Do you want that to be you? DO YOU? No. So BLOODY WELL SMILE.
Tom: You can’t see me, but I’m flicking the Vs at you so much right now.
Tim: Fine. I will console myself with the fact that your earlier protest made it seem like you were fine with people thinking that you hate children, as long as they don’t think you’re evil as well.
Tom: I actually am fine with that.
Tim: And I think that proves my point.