Tim: This. Is. Lovely. Like, cry your eyes out lovely.
Tom: Tim has now reached the stage of Emotional Drunk. He’s probably going to tell me that I’m his besht mate by the end of this review.
Tim: Oh, isn’t it just JOYOUS? Yes, there’s the Band Aid-style “we’re not all fortunate” idea, but let’s do our best to ignore that, because I am CRYING with happiness at the Christmas is lovely, so here comes the key change.* It’s SO WONDERFUL.
Tom: This song is basically calculated to hit every possible emotional button. It even sort-of works on me, and I’m about as bitter-hearted a cynic as you can get round here.
Tim: This is, I suppose, the idea of this sort of song. It’s great, we have Christmas, we have lovely music, but we have to remember there are people who don’t. But I say, yes there are. But I BOUGHT THE BAND AID SONG. So I am ALLOWED TO ENJOY MYSELF. And so there are two ways to proceed; let’s do a text-based flowchart:
- Have you done anything vaguely charitable in the past twelve months? YES: move to 3. NO: continue.
- Click here, then pay a massive 79p. Move to 3.
- ENJOY CHRISTMAS.
You can now morally reject the scaremongering. You can HAVE FUN. You can WEEP TEARS OF JOY at this BEAUTIFUL SONG. Give presents, and LOVE THAT KEY CHANGE. AND JUST LOVE EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. WE’RE ALL AMAZING. WOOOOHOOOO.
Tom: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.