Tom: WHAT THE HELL.
Tim: Blimey – that’s one person who wants us to know that she’s grown up very, very quickly.
Tom: Let’s get the music out of the way first: this is a cracking downtempo pop track, apparently (and unsurprisingly) written for Rihanna.
Tim: What?
Tom: It’s catchy, it’s singalong, and – aside from the inevitable remixes – it’s pretty much perfect for the end of the night at any club anywhere.
Tim: Are we listening to the same song? This is awful – it’s pretty much just horrific noise throughout. It may have been written for Rihanna, but it was presumably immediately rejected – in terms of quality it sounds like a 2010 B-side, and not a very good one.
Tom: Blimey. Okay, I’ll admit the “dancing with Miley” line grates, although there’s some suggestion it’s a drug reference —
Tim: Along with pretty much all the rest of it, although the second chorus with the piano underneath is vaguely alright.
Tom: –but given that she’s got a history of referencing herself in songs it’s not too bad. But “See You Again” was off the Disney-branded ‘Hannah Montana 2’ album. This? This is definitely not a Disney track. It’s safe to say that family-friendly, conservative-parents-approved message has gone.
Tim: Yeah, just a bit. This is something we can agree on.
Tom: If you’re cynical, you could say that this is blatantly targeted at rebellious teenagers who grew up watching Hannah Montana but are now looking for something less syrupy: you’ll notice there’s a lot of sex and drug references in there but no actual swearing.
And if you’re not cynical? Then it’s someone who’s been under the thumb of Disney’s corporate branding finally breaking out and singing the songs she wants to.
Tim: Upsettingly, you’re right.
Tom: Personally, I don’t care which it is: this is a damn good pop song.
Tim: Utter balls. Its terrible, and easily outstays its welcome by approximately three minutes and thirty two seconds.