Tom: Is that all of them? I’ve lost track.
Tim: It is, and so the natural question is: have they saved the best until last?
Tim: Hahahahah yeah no.
Tom: Ah, Tesco Value Zayn: months later and not as good.
Tim: “I used to be used to be in 1D/now I’m out free” sums it up, really, in every way.
Tom: For a few seconds, when he’s in the gold jacket in the ludicrous bedroom doing a Meaningful Look at the camera, I was convinced that this was actually a parody.
Tim: Hmm, this could actually work well as a Lonely Island style track. But no. Oh, no.
Tom: The “yeah yeah yeah” sounds like a knock-off Ed Sheeran. The autotuned rap middle eight is unnecessary.
Tim: You say unnecessary, I say just plain offensive. And why has he named himself after a packet of crisps?
Tom: The world that comes to mind for this whole track is…
Tim: Irritating? Pointless?
Tom: Unconvincing.