Tim: Remember these guys?
Tom: No!
Tim: We featured a multi-lingual Christmas track of theirs last year, decscribing it roughly as a Basshunter backing with crap JLS vocals.
Tom: Harsh but fair. I mean, I don’t know, I don’t remember a thing about it, I’m just assuming we were harsh but fair.
Tim: This one: they’ve not got the dull harmonies.
Tim: Title is “If you don’t stay stop”; lyrical message is, fortunately, not one of impending sexual assault, but instead “if you don’t tell me you don’t want me to love you, I’ll be so desperate I’ll basically be drooling at your feet”. (I paraphrase somewhat.)
Tom: It took me several attempts to parse that sentence before I worked it out, but yes, okay, I see what you mean. It’s a terrible message for a song.
Tim: A bit icky, but also slightly nice, as it does give her a get-out option. But now to segue into the music, and I’m not sure whether to go with “and speaking of nice” or “and speaking of being thankful for a get-out option”.
Tom: I mean, it’s a schlager pop song. It’s exactly what I was expecting. There are literally no surprises in here.
Tim: It’s okay. It’s…largely unremarkable. The music’s good, and the singing’s competent, and I don’t think I’d actively skip it. Though, to be honest, “not bad enough for me to gather the energy to yell out ‘Hey Siri, skip this'” isn’t exactly a compliment.
Tom: How about “it would sit nicely on that all-cheesy-dance-pop radio station I discovered in the Netherlands”? No, that’s not much better.
Tim: Erm, try this: I would probably choose a playlist that had this track, on the basis that it would likely contain lots of other music like this.
Damn, I’m really not selling this, am I?
Tom: I will give this one good point, Tim: the choreographer has worked out that, with four of them, they can each do the same movement on different beats of the same bar. It’s the closest thing to innovation this track has.