Category: Dance

Virtual Riot feat. Madi – Flutter

Tom: An anonymous reader sends this in, describing it as “a sweet chord progression combined with nice and crisp vocals”. Now that sounds more like they’re tasting wine to me, but let’s give it a listen.

Tom: That’s the most disappointing post-build chorus I’ve heard in a long time.

Tim: I read that sentence before I heard the chorus, and I’m not sure I’d agree with you, or at least not in the way I’d expected to. It’s not exactly a let-down – it still keeps the energy going, but it just goes nowhere near where we’d expect it go.

Tom: I realise there’s an argument that this is a deliberate genre choice, not just a poor selection of samples, but that doesn’t change the fact that it doesn’t sound good to me. That loud horn sample is discordant; the chorus sounds more like a disappointingly experimental middle eight; the chip tune samples are just overly harsh.

Tim: It is quite the mish mash, certainly – probably why the first chorus was so disappointing. You’ve got that first verses and pre-chorus being your standard electropop fare, but that drops off in favour of what’s left of dubstep these days, then moving on elsewhere into drum & bass territory with a few random bits chucked in here and there for balance.

Tom: Sorry, anonymous reader. It might be your sort of thing, it isn’t mine.

Tim: Wrong site, I think.

Juno Im Park feat. Hannah Trigwell – Never Gonna Give You Up

“TROPICAL – they’ve got palm trees in the video and everything.”

Tim: WELL THEN. Juno Im Park are a German duo, Hannah’s British and off YouTube, and this song is, well, I’ll copy and paste:

“With Rick Astley having just secured both a UK no.1 album and a silver record, alongside British supporters of the European Union unofficially adopting the song and slogan as “Never Gonna Give EU Up”, the long-planned collaboration has unintentionally surfed the zeitgeist to become extremely topical.”

Tom: I dislike pretty much everything about that statement. Does it get worse?

Tim: Topical (as long as six weeks afterwards still counts as topical), and TROPICAL – they’ve got palm trees in the video and everything.

Tom: Okay, I’ll say this much: those are lovely vocals, and the retiming and occasional changed notes work really well.

Tim: Hmm, yes, that’s all true, but it doesn’t help with my biggest problem, which starts with the “long-planned” bit. Why? That implies there was a distinct importance to this, and yet let’s face it that there is a cover that never, ever needed to happen. I’m going to be harsh about this, because, well, it deserves it.

Tom: Why?

Tim: I don’t often think this about a track, but I genuinely can’t imagine any situation where anybody would ever think “I want to listen to a tropical house version of Never Gonna Give You Up”. What was the thinking behind this, beyond “that song was big on the internet for all the wrong reasons, so we should absolutely rerecord it in a modern yet increasingly stale sound”? I can’t fathom it, I really can’t.

Tom: See, I think there’s almost always room for a good cover, and this is at least a cut above the normal.

Tim: Oh, sure, it’s competent enough – decent vocal, above average production values – but just… why?

Tom: You could ask that about any human endeavour, Tim. Because it was there.

Eytan – Wanna Be Your Lover

“Whoever did the mixing and production on this: your boss needs to have some strong words with you.”

Tim: Eytan’s PR people performed the rather impressive feat of sending out publicity material without any information about him as a person whatsoever, so I’ve not got much info for you, I’m afraid, aside from how his vocals are ‘serene’ and that he’s been ‘praised by the musical elite’.

Tom: That’s a very non-specific endorsement, there.

Tim: And it’s…well, a bit messy, really. For a start you’ve got that thing where the melody appears, drops for a drumbeat, appears, drops for drumbeat, repeating 120-something times a minute. It seems to be becoming something of a cliché – we’ve heard it twice already this month alone, and it’s not hugely pleasant.

Tom: I actually cringed when I heard it. It’s been around for years, originally an artefact of poor compression, and now apparently a stylistic choice. I can’t say it’s one I enjoy, I imagine when you’re used to it your brain starts tuning it out, but that ain’t happening yet.

Tim: No – and if it wasn’t disorientating enough already, the way the vocal’s gone on top of that rather than coming before it just makes it even messier, to my ears.

Tom: I agree! Whoever did the mixing and production on this: your boss needs to have some strong words with you.

Tim: On the other hand, the rest of it isn’t that bad, though not hugely original – it’s so lovely to have a return visit from the piano, back from the glory days of eighteen months ago, so hello to you. And back to the PR, apparently Eytan’s planning to hang around until he’s made a successful career, so, erm, yeah.

Tom: The joke’s just too easy.

Tim: Guess we’ll see what happens.

SMILO – Young Again

“Young people singing about wanting to be young again doesn’t quite make sense.”

Tim: Their Melodifestivalen entry may not have been as successful as they’d hoped, but they do at least have a slightly higher profile – they’ve got a Vevo channel now and everything. Anyway, here’s their new one.

Tim: And that is, well, perfectly listenable and danceable really.

Tom: I don’t think it’s either of those!

Tim: Oh. It’s not massive praise there in any case, I’ll grant you, but at the risk of going “argh, all sounds the same” old person, you need to be either be special or very lucky to stand out, and this song doesn’t quite have that.

Tom: Careful, that “all sounds the same” is basically my shtick. But look, that chorus is so overcompressed that it’s difficult to listen to. And it’s syncopated in such a strange way that, yes, there’s giant four on the floor percussion in there, but I’m not sure I could tell you with any confidence when any of it lands.

Tim: Oh, shame. There’s one part I actually really do like a lot, which is the close of the middle eight. I’m not quite sure why, especially since young people singing about wanting to be young again doesn’t quite make sense, but the steady vocal accompanied by just a single drum beat pattern giving swift way into full dance mode does strike me as particularly effective.

Tom: It’s just a shame those lyrics are so anodyne. As someone who generally likes terrible, cheesy Europop, I shouldn’t mind this at all: but for some reason it just completely grates me the wrong way. Probably the early reference to a teddy bear.

Tim: All in, let’s say about 68%, then.

Tom: That is a massively generous grade.

William Ekh & Martell – Diamonds

“How about we start our week with some nice banging EDM?”

Tim: So, how about we start our week with some nice banging EDM?

Tom: Tim, you could have not written a worse introduction for me. It’s Monday. I’m exhausted. I’ve got a headache. The last thing I need is…

Tom: Ah, hell, turns out I like it.

Tim: Me too – it sounds great, although I do, oddly, find it a tad hard to take seriously – I know that’s a weird thing to say, and also I don’t know why that is (or at least I didn’t when I was writing that until that 8-bit style ending arrived just now).

Tom: Aww, see I really loved that. Heartwarming.

Tim: It’s nice, yeah, and it rounds off a perfectly decent dance tune, with a more than good enough melody (though I’m not keen on how that line seems to have a seizure on the volume dial).

Tom: Agreed: because everything has to be a wall of sound, it’s overcompressed, and that percussion makes everything else go silent. That’s the only bit of this that makes my headache worse, and it’s a shame, because it’s spoiling what is a really lovely, simple, catchy tune.

Tim: I think the issue, stupid as it may seem, is that everybody was having too much fun with it when making it. The aforementioned volume thing, that closing bit, how you can almost hear a massive smile on Martell’s face while she’s singing and clapping in the middle eight – it’s as though it was thrown together at the end of a party when everyone’s going “YEAH WOOHOO!!!!” That’s not always a bad thing – but it might be worth checking in on in the morning.

Saturday Flashback: Guru Josh – Infinity (1990’s… Time for the Guru)

“Let’s talk about the original.”

Tim: Thursday’s song, Rainbow Sky, reminded me of this because it was by an act called Infinity. Well, more accurately it reminded me of 2008’s reworking by The Guru Josh Project, which stands out today as one of the best reworkings of recent times; nevertheless, let’s talk about the original.

Tom: Do we have to talk about the original? Because, well, it’s not quite as good. And, it makes that wierd, staccato duh-duh double note in the sax theme much more obvious. And… and…

Tim: And it’s…well, it’s a bit all over the place, really, isn’t it? There’s the immediately identifiable saxophone bit (which incidentally a friend at the time pointed out led rather well into the This Morning theme tune), but there’s also the almost a capello vocal section, the bass bit where nothing much is happening, the occasional vocal on top of that, the synthy keyboard section, and then the bit after that from 2:25 where it goes all over the place.

Tom: Too much. Just too much. But then, it was the 90s.

Tim: I’ll be honest: the lot that had a go in 2008, including Guru Josh himself and a few other folk, did a much better job focussing on that sax theme and a less self-important vocal. In fact, let’s play it again.

Tim: See? Better.

MØ – Final Song

“COCONUTS OUT PEOPLE”

Tom: Danish, if you’re wondering.

Tim: Yes! And YES to a bit of tropical house at the end of the week. COCONUTS OUT PEOPLE.

Tom: Made a couple of “featured” appearances in the char– BLOODY HELL. Sorry, just as I was typing that introduction, the beat kicked in.

Tom: See, I was going to complain about that verse being too damn calm, but if it wasn’t, I bet I wouldn’t have gotten the effect from that percussion. That is aggressive percussion.

Tim: It really is, but to be honest I wasn’t even having a problem with the verses – not great for a dance banger, sure, not not out of place on e.g. a nice tropical house calm point.

Tom: I mean, it’s perhaps a bit too Kygo in places, but I really enjoy it. It just goes for it, and it doesn’t make any apologies.

Tim: Rightly so. Do we know what’s happened to the share prices of e.g. Lilt or Oasis in the past twelve months? They must have shot through the roof.

Tom: By the way, those hovering stunts in the video: I know they’re probably just doing really simple keying and wire removal on them, but there’s something about the speed-ramps and angles that makes that seem really impressive. Is… is that a metaphor for the song?

Tim: Hmm…I’m going to say: no idea. Probably just a bit of fun. That would definitely fit with the song.

Matoma feat. Becky Hill – False Alarm

“We still have tropical house to keep us sane.”

Tim: Second half of 2016, and despite all that might be going bonkers politically, we still have tropical house to keep us sane.

Tom: I’m not entirely sure that’s valid, but sure, let’s go with it.

Tim: Matoma’s Norwegian, Becky’s from London, and that’s about all you need to know. So grab yourself a 🍍, and use it to whack the play button.

Tim: And that is…perfectly plausible for a middle of the set, the middle of the compilation disc.

Tom: See, I was about to agree with you there, but I can’t actually find anything wrong with it to say why it seems “plausible, middle of the set” rather than anything better. Maybe the verse is a bit slow, maybe it seems a bit long? Either way, every individual part seems good.

Tim: It’s pretty good throughout, but of particular note is her vocal which is just great, and especially notable as such when it’s just on its own like at the start or after the first instrumental chorus. And as for that instrumental chorus: also very good. All in all, I’m very happy with this. Nice one.

Alan Walker – Sing Me To Sleep

“Is it too harsh to call it basically the same song?”

Tim: So Faded ended up being a lot bigger than any track from an act called Alan Walker had any right to be. Sticking with the same vocalist, here’s the follow-up.

Tim: And…is it too harsh to call it basically the same song?

Tom: A bit harsh, certainly. Why do you say that?

Tim: The same synths, the same gentle vocal going into a suddenly calm first half of a chorus and the second half of that with the volume control going all over the place.

Tom: And I really dislike that “dip the synth for the drum hit” effect, by the way. Almost hurts to listen to, no matter whether it’s a deliberate choice or just overcompression.

Tim: See, I think that’s the main similarity – it’s just such a distinctive one that it’s hard to focus on anything else. Because yes, there are differences, of course there are, but I can’t help feeling that six months down the line I’ll have trouble hearing one of the tracks and confidently identifying it. On the other hand, if your debut was a big hit you’d be an idiot to mess with the formula for your immediate follow-up release, and it is a tactic that got Avicii two number one albums, several awards and an amazing LA apartment, so why not?

Tom: Worked for Kygo, too. Although this does seem different enough to me — I absolutely love the quiet pre-chorus, although the rest of it sort of slides past me without really making an impact. Why isn’t that “sing me to sleep” melody the main line? It’s the best part of the song.

Tim: Either way, it’s just as enjoyable the second time round, so I’m all for this as long as we have a bit of variety sometime soon please.

David Guetta feat. Zara Larsson – This One’s For You

“Not Three Lions.”

Tim: FOOTBALL! Yes, I know, but we have Eurovision and they must have their revenge. This year is Euro 2016, and here’s the official song.

Tim: Oh. That’s a bit of a let down, really. Well, the post-chorus is.

Tom: I think I’ve said this before, Tim: but the trouble with all football songs is that, ultimately, they’re not Three Lions. They’re not something you’re going to get every fan, from more than one nation, singing. Arguably, the closest to that was 1998’s Carnaval de Paris, but that was riffing on an existing chant, so it doesn’t really count: and Vindaloo, of course, worked for England but nowhere else.

Tim: Right, but of course it’s not Three Lions. Because Three Lions wasn’t just a football song. It was Britpop at the very peak of its popularity, it had two of the biggest comedians of the time at its helm, and most importantly it was built less on football another more on a genuine swelling of national pride and belief that England could actually win the competition.

So don’t compare football songs to that, because that situation is unlikely to ever come round again – Frank Skinner even said he regretted re-releasing it in 1998 for that reason. Compare football songs instead to, say, the official Euro 96 song, Simply Red’s notably underwhelming We’re In This Together, or perhaps the official World Cup 98 song, Ricky’s Martin’s The Cup of Life, which actually was a worldwide hit.

Anyway, enough history, back to the present. The vast majority of this song is great, and certainly a whole lot better than Simply Red – good beat, good lyrics, good melody, all round no complaints. That combined total of 36 seconds, though, is entirely and utterly awful.

Tom: Not going to disagree with you. I mean, the rest is mediocre; no-one’d buy it and no-one’d be doing a Big Singalong to it even if that 36 seconds wasn’t there, but… what the hell is that?

Tim: I know unforgivable is a hefty word to chuck around, especially in the direction of basically the world’s biggest DJ, but I just can’t really get past it, however good the rest might be. It completely kicks me out of the song. Sure, by the end of it there’s been enough of the good stuff to more or less push it out of the mind, but I really don’t want to hear it again. Which sucks – like I said, the rest of it’s great, and I would love a cut down version of this.

Tom: Alas, I guess it’s not to be, so I’ll just hope Coke get involved like they did in the 2010 World Cup.