Europop – Page 133

Three – Lucky Number

A faceful of autotune

Tim: Teenage triplets, and identical ones at that.

Tom: I was going to make a “be still my beating heart”, but I’m getting a more “Children of the Corn” vibe off them. They’re really rather creepy.

Tim: As a girlband they’ve been a while in the making, but here’s their first single, so get ready for a faceful of autotune, although rest assured that it does calm down after a bit.

Tom: That is, indeed, a faceful of autotuning.

Tim: Now, I think this is what they call ‘catchy’. It’s happy, it’s chirpy, and it’s rather nice.

Tom: It’s almost too much sugar, and that’s saying something from someone who used to listen to rather too much J-Pop.

Tim: I do like the ending, which is abrupt, but not in such a way that it feels like someone’s just turned the microphones off by accident, what with the final revelation of the (not remotely surprising) lucky number.

Tom: They actually appear to have used DTMF tones – or something very close to them – as an actual melody line. Top works to whoever wrote that.

Tim: It also has the benefit of being educational – now, children, you can greet people wherever you are in the world!

Tom: I just generally SPEAK LOUDLY and SLOWLY. It seems to work.

The Benefits – Crash and Burn

I don’t have a problem with this.

Tim: You, reader, may be hoping for a cover of an Australian duo. If you are, get off this site.

Tom: Hey, Savage Garden weren’t that bad. I mean, admittedly “Affirmation” makes me want to punch the lead singer every time I hear it, and “The Animal Song” was bloody awful, but there was always “Truly Madly Deeply”. Although the cover Cascada* did was better.

Actually, you’re right, Savage Garden were quite bad.

* Would.

Tim: Unfortunately, the first few notes of the chorus remind me of Nickelback and/or Shayne Ward’s Gotta Be Somebody.

Tom: I’ve got Joe McWhatshisface’s version of “Ambition” through most of the chorus – there’s similar notes and that same falsetto break.

Tim: That aside, I don’t have a problem with this. I like: the buildup to the chorus, the chorus itself, the lengthy and varied bridge.

Tom: And I’m always a fan of string instrumentation in tracks like this.

Tim: It’s a slight shame the closing part isn’t a bit louder, though, because then we could say it comes crashing out of the bridge, and have a quiet chuckle at how humorous we are. As it is, we’ll just have to dream.

Arash – Broken Angel

A textbook Eurovision entry. (With bonus disturbing mental image!)

Tim: Arash Labaf, born in Iran and moved to Sweden at the age of ten, sings in Iranian. Helena Josefsson, Swedish through and through, sings in English. Got that? Good.

Tom: Tim, this is a textbook Eurovision entry right here. I don’t think it’d win – I think it’d be one of the plodding mid-level ones that sits somewhere in the middle of the board – but it’s a Eurovision song if I ever heard one.

Tim: Now, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what’s going on in the video, mainly because I don’t understand his singing, so let’s ignore that.

Tom: Fun fact for you though: if you ever do the “collapse in the shower, hugging your knees” thing that she does in the video? It is impossible to get back up with any dignity at all. Can’t be done. You have to sort of shift over onto sort-of-all-fours and then try to stand up without falling over – while you’re naked and being soaked by the shower. That’s something you never see in these music videos, is it?

Tim: That, sir, is an image I absolutely and definitely never ever wanted in my head. I hate you.

However, in the interests of professionalism (ha) I shall put that aside, and talk about the music, which for the first 25 seconds is a middle of the road summer Eurodance tune and is nice; this is the case for all the parts where she is singing. When he starts singing, it is rather different, and the combination almost results in it seeming like two songs spliced together.

I don’t mind this at all – in fact, I think it works very well, with the consistent backing beat coming in to link them up. Sure, it won’t be to everybody’s taste – that would be ridiculous – but it seems a rather uplifting tune. (Given what the video looks like, this is almost certainly not the case – remind me never to learn Iranian.)

Tom: There is a lot of crying in that video.

Saturday Flashback: Sasha – Goodbye

Oh, that’s fantastic.

Tom: Almost all ‘goodbye’ songs are somehow maudlin or melancholy. This is neither.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUw1TMB2j3s

Tom: This isn’t an “oh, I’m so sad, I have to leave you” song – this is an “I’ve accomplished all I can do here, and now it’s time to move on”. It’s a little bit triumphant without being over the top; a little bit sad without being depressing. I played it quite a lot just before I left York – and while that won’t mean a lot to most of our readers, there’s a few out there that’ll understand it.

Tim: Oh, that’s fantastic. A proper sway your head from side to side chorus, and for a sad-ish song, albeit with a ‘you’ll be okay’ subtext, it sounds ridiculously cheerful. Though for leaving university, I have to admit I went with something a bit classier.

Tom: I’m not sure quite what the bridge does, musically speaking, but I can say that personally it makes me break out into a grin every time – as does the textbook key change at the end of it.

Tim: Exactly – it does what all good bridges do by providing a moment of calm in an otherwise energetic song, and a sense of anticipation for a good exit and final part. And it absolutely does not disappoint – a proper big smile on my face, there.

Tom: As for Sasha himself: well, he’s got quite a long and varied musical history – perhaps the strangest pat being when he performed as his alter ego “Dick Brave” for a couple of years. But right now I couldn’t care about that; I’m too busy wearing a contented smile and looking forward to whatever’s happening next.

Rebound – Psycho

Mentally deranged lyricist. Ah. (With bonus INJU5TICE catch-up!)

Tim: Apologies on their behalf for the weirdness of this video.

Tom: Blimey, “director of photography” and “effects” credits in the opening? This should be good. Full marks for having an entire freak-out break in the middle of it, which means the song can’t be ripped (or even repetitively watched) on YouTube. I’m surprised more record companies aren’t pulling stunts like that.

Tim: Okay, let’s run through what this song has:

Declarations of love. Good.
Not bad chorus. Good.
Singers that aren’t overly autotuned. Good.
Mentally deranged lyricist. Ah.

Feel free to disagree with me, but a chorus that begins with the line ‘I love you like a psycho’ really is more likely to end up with a restraining order than a wedding ceremony. That’s a shame, because I actually really like this song. The music’s catchy, and there’s a chorus you could sing along to, if you were weird. Come to think of it, it wouldn’t sound remotely out of place on a JLS album.

Tom: Those are pretty much my thoughts exactly, although that “ey-oh, ey-oh” bit does remind me uncomfortably of everyone’s favourite unintentional comedy band INJU5TICE.

Tim: Ooh! Speaking of INJU5TICE, I found out something fantastic recently. Apparently, they once got a train from Northampton to London (two hour round trip) for one reason and one reason only: to take a photo with Beefy, a cat belonging to Heat magazine. (Source.)

Tom: Second INJU5TICE fun fact – they were backed by producer Ian Levine, who – despite his best efforts – is possibly best known for what he later described to the Guardian as “absolute balls-up fiasco … pathetic and bad and stupid”. If you value your sanity, you should not view the Bring Back Doctor Who charity single ‘Doctor In Distress‘, nor should you read the horrible backstory (scroll down).

Tim: “It almost ruined me.” Shame about the almost, really.

But anyway, back to the psychopaths we were originally discussing: if it weren’t for the ‘let me’ in the last line of the chorus, the song would seem more like a warning to his, let’s face it, victim, especially with the line ‘Lock me in a room and throw away the key.’ Yes. Yes, I think I will, if you don’t mind.

Saturday Flashback: Darin – You’re Out Of My Life

I don’t think I could fault this, even if I wanted to.

Tim: A few weeks ago, we mentionedthat various countries were starting to look for their Eurovision entries. Well tonight, it’s the big one, as Melodifestivalen, the second most important music competition of the year, gets going in Sweden; as such, it’s only appropriate that we look back at a previous entry. Darin entered with this last year, and I reckon we’ve gone too long without mentioning him.

Tom: I reckon I’d put Lovekiller as one of the best songs of last year. It’s so overblown and yet brilliant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QxTCVPSlrI

Tim: I’ll be honest – I don’t think I could fault this, even if I wanted to.

Tom: This is how you make a slow, emotional schlager song without it seeming slow and plodding. Basic chord changes, emotional vocals, soaring choruses.

Tim: Admittedly it’s not as good as Lovekiller or his other recent and brilliant single Microphone, but it’s still great. Music: top notch. Lyrics/emotion relation: perfect.

Tom: And the key change?

Tim: Key change: absolutely superb.

Tom: Superb enough that my jaw genuinely dropped.

Tim: All round: flipping marvellous.

Tom: Oh yes.

Tone Damli – No Way Out

Fairly simple, really: nice tinkly piano intro, soft female vocals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpSXFqWuBkQ

Tim: So, let’s see what we’ve got here. Fairly simple, really: nice tinkly piano intro, soft female vocals (as, really, we’d expect from a female), gentle drums and an early-Avril-Lavigne style chorus.

Tom: I was distracted and bored through the verse, until that Avril-style chorus kicked in – at which point I let out a quick “ooh!” of surprise. The chorus is brilliant, but you do have to plod through the rest of the song to get there.

Tim: True, but then with it building up a bit towards the end (admittedly passing through a very, VERY disappointing bridge exit), it’s basically a fun, fairly excited and happy piece of pop music, and anybody who doesn’t like it must have a heart of stone. Of STONE!

Tom: I do like it. I just wish there was a bit more energy in it – particularly that bridge exit, which winds up to a key change that never happens. If ever there was a track for Almighty Records to remix…

Anna Abreu – Hysteria

Now, this is proper pop.

Tim: Despite only coming third, this lady is the most successful artist to come out of Finnish Pop Idol. Here’s an example of why.

Tom: She sounds just a bit like Cascada. Just a bit.

Tim: Now, this is proper pop – it has loud music, loud singing, lots of ‘oh-oh-oh’s and just generally lots of fun. After the first verse it never really calms down, and I don’t have much of a problem with that.

Tom: It’s a long first verse, and I couldn’t actually tell when it transitioned into the chorus. I’m assuming it was at the bizarre Casio keyboard tom-tom fill.

Tim: Somewhere around that, but does it matter exactly? It’s plenty vibrant enough anywhere, and while it could perhaps do with something new happening towards the end, it’s got so much to it already there’s not a lot that could be added without breaking music.

Tom: I’d actually cut it a bit – it does go on.

Tim: You think? Normally with a song like this I’d be the first one to hurry it along to finish, but even at four minutes it doesn’t seem too long, partly because there isn’t any filler there – there isn’t even really an instrumental part of the bridge that could be cut.

Tom: I disagree, but it’s not like I’d leave a dancefloor in disgust if it came on.

Tim: Well, I think: top notch.

Star Pilots – Heaven Can Wait

Kicks in hard and never really stops.

Tim: I trust you’ll remember In The Heat Of The Night, their big hit from a couple of years back; here’s their latest.

Tom: Bloody hell, Tim, that kicks in hard and never really stops. My brain immediately thought ‘Top Gun’, but that might have been connected to the fact they’re called ‘Star Pilots’.

Tim: When the chorus hits it’s almost like a different song – it suddenly goes from ‘mmm, so so’ to ‘ooh, yes’ in a single beat. The first chorus just about provides enough energy to ride out the second verse, so as long as you don’t mind a mediocre first part, I think you’ll be happy here.

Tom: Now, you see, I disagree entirely: I think the verses and bridge are great – it’s like an 80s song with modern production values. But the chorus lets it down a bit for me: it’s just that the verses are so full-on that it’s hard for the chorus to compare. Until that key change. That glorious key change.

Tim: Oh, isn’t it just fantastic? The best thing for me: it was entirely unexpected – it came out of nowhere and just was excellent. I do have one tiny niggle though: as the main version of the song, this goes on a bit too long. I can understand as a dance mix it would need to stuff on the end for the DJ to mix out, but as this is it should end at around the 3:15 mark, I feel.

Aside from that, since it’s easy enough to trim a song manually: excellent work.

Kerli – Speed Limit

A whole song about an actual traffic jam. (Plus a bonus Estonia anecdote.)

Tim: I don’t think we’ve been to Estonia yet. Let’s rectify that.

Tom: I went to Estonia once – to Tallinn, the capital. According to my diary, “there’s not much to do if you’re not big on museums”, and as soon as you leave the World Heritage Site that is the old city, you run into a fairly seedy district of strip clubs and stag-night bars.

Also, I happened to go there when the gay pride parade was going through town – and, next to it, an “anti gay pride” parade. The latter was six people with one banner, on which featured two stickmen having sex with a big Ghostbusters-style “NO” symbol over the top of it.

Anyway, sorry. Estonia. Right. Who’s this then?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0pHw-AXodk

Tim: Now on first listen, this would appear to be…

Tom: …it’d appear to be a Jimmy Hart version of SMiLE.dk’s 1998 song “Butterfly”. That chorus melody is remarkably similar, but probably just far enough away that they won’t get sued for it.

Tim: Hmm – it is a bit similar, isn’t it? Mind you, I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, because even if this Estonian act has ripped off a fairly obscure Danish track, they’ve done good stuff with it.

Anyway, before you interrupted I was going to say that it sounds like a whole song about an actual traffic jam, which would be quite impressive. Unfortunately, it’s just a slightly dodgy metaphor for a relationship, involving enough driving instructions for TomTom to make a new voice with and a complaint that she isn’t being played on the radio; however, we should give her points for dragging it along for almost a full three minutes.

Tom: No, we shouldn’t. It gets old so, so quickly.

Tim: Yes, but it’s the effort and the dedication that counts. Of course it’s ridiculous, and of course it gets old, but when she’s so desperate to keep it going that she talks about ‘three-ways like a parking lot’ that just can’t not be appreciated.

As music, I think this is good, it keeps you moving – the verses are a little monotonous, but they have a decent enough rhythm to them to keep you bouncing along until the next chorus, and the choruses have a properly nice sing-along feel to them.

Tom: Since all I can hear through the chorus is the words ‘ripped off’ repeating in my head, I’m afraid I disagree – it’s just monotonous to me. It’s got a decent closing chorus, I suppose, but that can’t redeem it for me.

Tim: Seriously? You can’t let that go? I think this is just great, and not least because there’s also a proper pronunciation of the word ‘hazy’, which is always nice, and to be perfectly honest, I’m slightly gutted this is being released now, because it wouldn’t be at all bad as a Eurovision entry.

I do, however, feel that Buffalo Roll would have been a better title. (I am aware that the actual lyric is ‘bump in the road’, but that’s beside the point.)

Tom: And now I can’t unhear it. Well done, Tim.