“Country is basically schlager, just with different instruments and more pickup trucks.”
Tim: Bits of yesterday’s track reminded me of Avicii; here’s a country opening for you that’s right out of his playbook.
Tim: Not quite as hefty later on, of course, but as country tracks go it’s still a RIGHT ON BANGER, and one I’ve happily played several times now and not got even slightly bored of.
Tom: Country is basically schlager, just with different instruments and more pickup trucks. Which is why I’m surprised that you always seem to write it off as a genre. This isn’t full-on American country, of course, but it’s certainly on those lines. And you like it!
Tim: The melody, the vocal, the energy, the everything, it’s there! Right there!
Tom: It’s a bit by-the-numbers, sure, but they are good numbers.
Tim: All flipping marvellous, so BRING IT, Anna, YES, with your walks down memory lane in the pouring rain. They might not be the greatest things, but at least they inspire good songs. Like this.
Tom: It’s January, and that means there is barely any new music. So as with yesterday, let’s go with an old reliable. Garrix, Dutch irritatingly-young world-class DJ. Matisse & Sadko, Russian producers. Michel Zitron, Swedish producer and singer. They’ve all been in the same circles for years, as far as I can tell.
That is a lot of people, with a lot of skills, all working on one track. Will it combine their best qualities, or will it be a confused, designed-by-committee mess?
Tim: I’ve a feeling I know where you’re going with this.
Tom: I remembered almost nothing about that after it finished, so I’m going with “designed by committee”.
Tim: Hmm, maybe. The standout thing for me is that it really, really doesn’t sound like a modern dance track – that’s at least five years out of date. The opening vocal made me think Avicii, the rest of it perhaps more Swedish House Mafia, and then there was that bit where it went slightly Tubulars Bells-y.
Tom: Actually, I did remember one thing: that ridiculous over-the-top build up to the drop, like it’s on a Clubland CD from the early 2000s. Not a complaint, really, just saying it’s the standout feature.
Tim: Yep, there’s that as well. And the datedness doesn’t bother me at all – I’m all for it.
“I know a lot of music videos have ludricrous budgets, but this seems bigger than most.”
Tim: Welcome back, everyone! Let’s start the year with someone typically reliable, shall we?
Tom: That’s an interesting combination of names up there.
Tim: Now, three years back, Alan released a track called Alone; this here is apparently Part II, though I’ll be honest: I’ve no idea quite how this is related in any way, shape or form. Still, you remember how he used to have that really self-important thing going on about how his logo was all magical and stuff, and baked into the very fabric of the universe?
Tim: Yep, turns out he still does, and he’s almost verging on self-parody here.
Tom: “As part of the World of Walker Universe”. Good grief. I know a lot of music videos have ludricrous budgets, but this seems bigger than most. Mind you, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing.
Tim: Part of me hopes he knows it and is deliberately making it bigger and better each time just for a laugh; on the other hand, part of me would quite like to believe he’s just so ridiculously earnest that he honestly believes this is a Good Thing to do.
Anyway, girl on a cryptic quest to find something or other, which turns out to be, yep, Alan’s logo embedded in a magical rock or something, and the weird thing is that, despite what the lyrics say: aside from a couple of locals pointing her in the right direction, she pretty much does get there alone. No-one with her – well, except for all the mystic monks that come out of nowhere, because of course there are mystic monks.
Tom: All this, and we haven’t talked about one note of the music yet. I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
Tim: To be honest, by now I’ve a feeling Alan’s videos are almost more entertaining than the music – sure, that’s good, and exactly what we expect, but man, I’m waiting for the one where they fly into space and find an alien civilisation unknowingly worshipping him.
“A full on combination of ‘stupidly festive’ and ‘by any normal standards utterly shit'”
Tom: It’s Christmas Day, Tim. But we’re doing a Flashback?
Tim: Well, it’s not unheard of, and in any case, I was struggling for a while about what to feature today. It could be a new track, but there’s nothing that really just screams PURE CHRISTMAS, as would be appropriate. I considered featuring Wham!’s Last Christmas, as that video has just been given a 4K redo and it looks great, but that’s just the video, we all know the song. And then I happened upon this, which is perfect, because it is very very festive, and so twee you’ll want to throw your laptop out of the window.
Tom: Good heavens, it’s like they went through a checklist to make A Standard Christmas Song. They even go for toy-soldier military-drums at the end.
Tim: This is our tenth Christmas, and I think by now we all know that songs that are a full on combination of ‘stupidly festive‘ and ‘by any normal standards utterly shit‘ get me overjoyed, and as such I can’t listen to this for more than the ten seconds it takes for the dog to appear on screen without laughing with pure, unadulterated JOY.
Tom: And you know that I’ll immediately start grumbling about it. But… well, sure. I have issues with this (“Family friends are all that matter” is… arguable) but, you know what, it’s Christmas Day. Sure. I’m not going to say it’s in the Pantheon, but in the absence of anything better, it’ll do right now.
Tim: The one single thing that would make this song more brilliant/awful would be an enormous key change, but even without that, the fa-la-las are more than enough to make up for it. It’s stupid, it’s joyous, and I love it.
So Tom: Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! Cheers!
“It’s like the producers went to the nostalgia store on Christmas Eve, and found that it’s sold out of all the stuff that people actually like.”
Tim: Charity Christmas single for you today, but not the ‘poor people have nothing at Christmas’ type you might be expecting.
Tim: Now, I don’t quite get this. I mean, as a song it’s fine, hits the regular pop beats and everything, but I’m not entirely sure where the lyrics are coming from, or who they’re aimed at. Because sure, the video makes it quite sure it’s Lil singing (off 80s duo Lili & Susie, incidentally).
Tom: Which explains why my first thought was: “this sounds like it’s out of the 80s, but not in a good way”. It’s like the producers went to the nostalgia store on Christmas Eve, and found that it’s sold out of all the stuff that people actually like — so now they’re left with wrapping up hard-pan stereo mix and some synth pads that never came back into fashion, and hoping that everyone’s good enough to fake their reaction when they open it on Christmas morning.
Tim: Hmm. Tad harsh, perhaps, but okay, let’s go with it.
Tom: And as for those lyrics: well, they’re generic love lyrics, surely?
Tim: Yes, except that given it’s a dog charity, is she singing to her dog? I mean, I’m all for that, because I know people have strong relationships with their dogs. But then ‘Heart To Heart’ implies a reciprocal arrangement, so…is Lili playing the part of a dog? That’s absolutely fine, I’ve no problems with that at all – hell, it’d almost certainly be an improvement on the Cats movie – but a bit weird for a Christmas single.
Tom: Maybe they were the only things left in the shop as well.
Tim: Maybe, yeah, or maybe I’m just over-analysing this a bit. That doesn’t sound like me, though.
“Have any architects ever been referred to in pop music?”
Tom: Good title for both an album and a song. You’ll hate the verses, and I would too, were it not for an astonishing shoutout in the first one.
Tim: Hmm…certainly an interesting one, probably not one that’s ever happened before. In fact, have any architects ever been referred to in pop music?
Tom: I checked Genius for the first architect that came to mind, and: technically yes.
Tim: “Art Garfunkel has stated that the origin of the song came from his request that Paul Simon write a song about the famous architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Simon has stated that he wrote the song despite not knowing who Frank Lloyd Wright was.” Hmm, fair enough.
Tom: Leaving aside architectural shoutouts: I’m not really sending this to you because I think you’ll like it. I don’t think I even like it as a song. But I’m really impressed by how — like the title implies — this is a song that successfully manages to pull together sounds from several different decades.
Tim: Yeah, I think it works – well, sort of. I was enjoying it until I skipped back to the tab and thought “jeez, are we only two minutes in?”
Tom: That… is fair. I think this is a grower, though, like a lot of Dua Lipa’s songs. And how good is that chorus?
“I’m not sure what else I was expecting from him.”
Tim: We’ve mentioned a couple of times this year how he’s now been going 20 years – shall we check out his sole festive one, from 2011?
Tom: I cannot believe he doesn’t do a Christmas cover every year. Surely he’d rake it in at the ski resorts?
Tim: You’d think so, but apparently not. By the way, make sure you watch this through to the end before reading ahead, spoilers and all that.
Tim: RING-A-LING DONG DING, YES.
Tom: Good heavens, that manages to fall into “catchy” and “awful” at the same time. I’m not sure what else I was expecting from him.
Tim: And there’s a number of things to mention. First, hell of a twist that his (Santa’s?) girlfriend is the Easter Bunny, who’s apparently called Sally, WOAH.
Tom: His incredibly Austrian pronunciation of “fertile deep green valley” in the first verse.
Tim: Also excellent. Third, then: “all my only, every penny, I’ve been spending on Kilkenny” is a very odd lyric, because as far as I can tell the only Kilkenny that makes sense is a beer made by Guinness that’s largely popular in Australia and Canada.
Tom: Plus, to be a pedant, it’s “Kilkennies”, which is stranger still because a) it’s perfectly valid as a mass noun and b) that means it doesn’t rhyme as well?
Tim: I…I don’t know. But fourth, and most importantly, is a thing I don’t often say: that is a genuinely lovely key change. Normally I’m just “YES IT’S GREAT”, but here it’s different: it’s understated, it comes out of nowhere, and it give the song a quick “ooh, that was nice” feeling.
Tom: I actually had to go back and check that there really was a key change. If a key change happens in a forest and… never mind.
Tim: Yes, never mind. Because all in all, taking that into account and everything else: bloody marvellous song, I’ll have a Kilkenny.
“I think they fixed That Song. I wouldn’t have believed it.”
Tim: It’s a cover. Press play.
Tom: Amazing. I think… I think they fixed That Song. I wouldn’t have believed it.
Tim: And that there confirms for me that the only problem I had with the original was with the lyrics. As for what these lyrics are, well, I’ve absolutely no idea how you translate “boys of the NYPD choir’ into Norwegian, but I’m not sure it matters, as I’m guessing this is a very loose translation.
Tom: Thankfully. You’re right, though: the main problem with the original is the words. Yes, originally they were interesting and subversive — slurs aside, it was a different time, etc etc — but now they’re just a depressing excuse for people at holiday parties to claim it’s “just a song” as they shout “scumbag”, or worse, at the people in the office they don’t like.
Probably a bit too specific, that, but never mind.
That said, I’m pretty sure the meaning is still there: even with my non-existent Norwegian, I can tell you that the duet of insults is still there. But in Norwegian, well, I can’t really tell.
Tim: Melodically it’s great; the energy’s all there once it gets going for the second verse; the joiking is, as ever, potentially off-putting if you don’t like it, but I’ve no issue.
Tom: And that solo trumpet really works too!
Tim: I really like this, a lot more than I thought I would. Well done KEiiNO, you’ve managed what I thought was impossible – a decent version of That Song.
“There aren’t many songs where after just a few seconds I’m already thinking ‘ooh, yeah, I like this’.”
Tim: There aren’t many songs where after just a few seconds I’m already thinking ‘ooh, yeah, I like this’. This, pleasingly, is one where that did happen.
Tom: You’re not wrong, that is a brilliant intro.
Tim: Title translates to ‘Your Loser’, incidentally, though I’ve no idea what the lyrics are about as they’re not on any lyrics site, do feel free to write in if you know. As it is, then, we’ve just got the music to go by, which is remarkably summery and yet and at the same time, not something I’m remotely bothered by hearing right now, unlike yesterday.
Tom: Good to know we’ve got consistent standards here. You’re right, though: it is a very summery song. There’s something about that repeating riff — which is always on the borderline between ‘fun’ and ‘annoying’ — that says this should be being released in June, probably in Benidorm.
Tim: Maybe it’s just that it’s pouring with rain outside and that doesn’t make me feel at all Christmassy, so I’m wanting to get away from it? I don’t know, but whatever it is, I’m happy.
Tom: It’s a decent, middle-of-the-road summer track. In winter.
Tim: It’s a good sound, it’s a strong rhythm, it’s probably a decent message in the lyrics with a title like this…it’s all nice.
Tim: It’s been three years since we featured Rebecca & Fiona, and even longer than that since we featured Nause, but both are apparently still going strong, and seemingly wanting to get any thought of Christmas out of your mind with this PROPER BANGER.
Tom: A bold claim, Tim.
Tom: Huh, you’re right. That’s a really, really good dance track.
Tim: And why they didn’t leave leave in a drawer for a few months I’ve no idea, because (a) that’s a great dance track but (b) which sensible person wants to dance to this less than two weeks before Christmas?
Yes, parties happen, but the playlists are (or at least should be) entirely made up of Christmas songs or, especially come New Year’s Eve, tracks that each and every single person in the room knows. However good a dance track it is (and be in no doubt, I think this is brilliant), it shouldn’t be out now. Or am I wrong?
Tom: I think there is still a place for things like this: clubs don’t switch their playlists too much, other than occasional dance remixes of All I Want For Christmas. And in summer, the market for tracks like this is saturated. It stands out.
Tim: Hmm, yeah, I’d not thought of that. Fair point.
Tom: I like it. In an era of Spotify playlists and long-tail playback, I think this can still work.
