Tag: Vengaboys

Vengaboys – Where Did My Xmas Tree Go?

“I… oh dear.”

Tim: Before you play this, Tom, I want to break some upsetting news to you gently, because it’s mentioned in the song but hearing it that way disturbed me somewhat.

The thing is…well, it’s Uncle John from Jamaica. He’s…I’m just going to say it, he’s passed away, and he won’t be with us this Christmas.

Tom: Well, if I’m honest, I’m a little relieved. It does explain why he finally stopped calling every damn day.

Tm: Oh, did he keep doing that? I just changed my number after a while. Hopefully, though, we can enjoy this new track regardless (and despite the horribly disturbing cat thing in the video).

Tom: I… oh dear. I have mixed feelings about that.

Tim: Yeeeahh… It’s their first original track since 2010’s Rocket to Uranus, and how have we developed? Well, we haven’t really, although we have ditched the innuendo obsession.

Tom: Mm. See, there are moments of proper 90s Vengaboys joy in here: if we ignore the lyrics, then the instrumentation in that first verse and chorus, after the damn sleigh bells leave, is actually really nice. And, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a sucker for a well-placed “heeeeey” sample.

Tim: Back with the faux-Jamaican voices, though I suppose that does at least provide a semblance of continuity in the Vengaverse (though if we’re doing that, we should probably try to discover how they got back from Uranus).

Tom: I can’t get behind that accent. If Mike Read can’t get away with singing in a faux-Jamaican accent, I’m fairly sure the Vengaboys can’t either.

Tim: It’s…oh, thing is, I’m trying to come up with something nice to say about it but I don’t really know why. It’s terrible. I didn’t mind it so much when I first heard it, but throughout writing this and trying to think of stuff to put I’ve listened to it a number of times, and now I really don’t like it at all, and I can’t think of anything positive at all, not least because of that cat. But maybe you’ll have a different opinion.

Tom: No, it’s much the same for me: there’s moments of joy in there, but in the end it’s just a horrible cash-in Christmas track. Ah well.

Tim: As a post script, though: it’s not all bad news. It’s actually the lead track off a Christmas EP which is primarily remixes. I say remixes; they’ve largely just put sleigh bells on top of every single beat, with a few Santa samples in there, but it’s a nice excuse to hear their hits all Christmassed up. Also, some decent festive DJ puns – Merry Corsten, Treësto, Carol Cox, Armin van Blizzard, you get the idea. Some redemption.

Saturday Flashback: Vengaboys – Kiss (Airscape Remix)

That’s a remix? Really?

Tom: You’ll remember the Vengaboys’ suitably ridiculous Kiss, of course.

Tim: I do, yes. It’s about a minute longer than it needs to be, but it’s a good track.

Tom: It’s a good, cheesy pop track in itself. But I offer this remix for two reasons: first, to show just how much a track can be changed and still count as a remix; and second, because it’s some of the best euphoric trance I’ve ever heard.

Tim: That’s a remix? Really?

Tom: Now bear in mind it’s a seven-minute track meant to go inside a DJ set – I don’t want you shouting “it should be three minutes long” at me.

Tim: Absolutely not – I’m more than happy for dance tracks to be lengthy, especially if they’re as good as this.

Tom: The funny thing is, I’m normally quite good at tracking songs that sound like each other – and while, yes, you can fit the chorus of “Kiss” over the top of the main melody here, most of this seems to be original material.

Tim: Well, to be honest I’m not sure I can hear any of it in there. You’re right, you can put the chorus on top, but I’d imagine that sounding more like a mash up than anything else.

Tom: Not that I’m complaining: it’s really good original material.

Tim: It really is.

Vengaboys – Rocket to Uranus

Oh hell no. There are so many things wrong with this.

Tom: Oh hell no. There are so many things wrong with this: Perez Hilton. The rip-off of “House of the Rising Sun”. Just the fact that the Vengaboys are attempting a comeback.

Tim: The first time I heard this, I thought, “Oh God, the Vengaboys are back, doing a rubbish song filled with cheap innuendo, where they want to say ‘Rock It to Your Anus’ but that would be too rude.” Then, however, I watch the video and I’m pleasantly surprised to discover I was wrong – it is actually a song about a real space mission! As their YouTube channel says, ‘it’s about personal freedom and interplanetary travel.’

I don’t think you can mention Perez (who, it seems, used to be the baby in the Teletubbies – who knew?) without also mentioning Pete Burns, who has an army of bikini-clad warriors trying to destroy a dance party but whose one weakness seems to be dance music – go figure.

It’s a slight shame that they resorted to really really tacky innuendo (a cock-shaped rocket? Seriously?) despite the fact that they managed fine without it 10 years ago, because it means a lot of their old fans now have a(nother) reason to distance themselves from it, but for me, this just about manages to fit in the guilty pleasure category.