Category: Saturday Reject

Lucie Jones – Never Give Up On You

“There is literally nothing memorable in this song.”

Tim: Tom, I have just got back from watching our Eurovision entry (this one) being chosen, and I am FUMING, for a reason I shall return to another time. For now, though, we have this.

Tim: And…it’s dull. Yes, the vocals are there, and she’s got a good howling voice on her, but there’s really just nothing else.

Tom: And as usual, we’re joining the inevitable crowd of countries who’re going to choose a song similar to the one that won last year. If we were the only country sending something like this, we’d stand a chance: but we’ll be buried among twenty other Dull Ballads.

Tim: Right – there is literally nothing memorable in this song. No big moments, no crowning glory out of the middle eight – just a very standard song, running mediocrely throughout its three minutes, and very quickly forgotten. Now don’t get me wrong, I would *love* us to do well – this year more than any other, as if we win then we’ll get to host a European love-in right in the middle of vicious Article 50 negotiations – but I really can’t see much coming from this.

Tim: It’s not actively bad or divisive this year, it’s just… it’s just a song. Good vocals though. Good vocals.

Tom: When she was on the X Factor, she came eighth out of twelve finalists. Mathematically, the equivalent would be about 17th, and to be honest – I think we’ll be lucky to do that well.

Saturday Reject: Isa – I Will Wait

Tim: Last year, Isa reached the Melodifestivalen final with Hairspray-variant Don’t Stop; this year, she bowed out at Andra Chansen, with this, a beautiful waltz of a ballad.

Tom: Strong lighting design there. Admittedly the dodgy curtain behind her does make it look a bit like she’s singing in someone’s living room, but still, strong lighting design, and strong dance to go with it.

Tim: It is indeed. As for the music – I don’t know why this is, but the way it seems to work with me is that if a song is in ¾ time it has to do a lot, lot wrong for me not to like it.

Tom: Interesting. And this time?

Tim: It does absolutely nothing wrong, and so it joins Queen Of My Heart and Can I Have This Dance as one of my all time Top Tracks.

Tom: For a moment, I thought you meant Top Tracks Ever, but that’s only because I never realised Queen Of My Heart was a waltz.

Tim: And one of the very best. But last year, Isa was all very much about the action, with little time spent to appreciate the vocal. Here, though, with such minimalist (though still lovely) staging, the voice is all we have, and my word it’s superb. Big range, big volume, big track, and quite possibly a top 10 Eurovision placer. The curse of Andra Chansen, though, is that when you’re up against even a slightly better or more popular track, you’re OUT. And so she was, so maybe next year?

Saturday Reject: Rūta Ščiogolevaitė – United

“The audience and her backing singers weren’t remotely interested in helping.”

Tim: Remember Russia’s 2013 entry, Dina Garipova’s utopia-inducing What If? Well, this year someone wanting to represent Lithuania wanted to recreate that.

Tom: Oh, bloody hell, it’s Robson and Jerome’s cover of I Believe all over again. Incidentally, do send that link to any American Game of Thrones fans you know, it’ll really confuse them.

Tim: Duly noted. Sadly, Rūta didn’t quite have the vocal skills to pull that off, nor indeed were the audience or her backing singers remotely interested in helping her.

Tom: Tough crowd. Tough, tough crowd.

Tim: Points to her for effort, though – her pointing directly at an audience member to get them going does demonstrate quite a level of passion. It’s also a shame the backing folk haven’t decided in advance what to do with their hands, as having some of them gently swaying while others are full on with the arm movement really doesn’t push forward the “let’s stand united” message. To be quite honest, this could be a decent entry, because musically and lyrically it’s all there.

Tom: Maybe not lyrically, but I’ll agree with you on musically. This is a retro, but plausible, Eurovision track, complete with key change. And full marks for attempting the steadicam-spin-shot there, although with an audience that looks like it belongs in a church hall, it’s less impressive. I know it’s Lithuania, but when the rest of the show looks fairly smooth, it stands out.

Tim: Pump some cash into it, get some dancing and singing lessons, they could be laughing their way to the top half of the table. As it is – sadly, doesn’t quite make enough of an impact.

Saturday Reject: Annica Milán & Kimmo Blom – Good Enough

“You don’t need to go all Big Bad Wolf.”

Tim: Here’s one from Finland’s final; fourth in the televote, sixth with the jury (which is done WEIRDLY – split into nine mini-juries, categories of which include Parliament, Eurovision experts, musicians, bloggers, LGBT and, erm, asphalt constructors), so have a listen. Though first, I want you to know that I’m going to make a HILARIOUS joke at the end of this post, which I just know will have you ACTUALLY rolling on the floor laughing, so be prepared for that.

Tim: And that’s possibly the oddest staging I’ve ever seen, not least because at time I actually find myself distracted by the song trying to work out where the two were actually standing and what they were singing at. Even when they’re not singing at the mirrors, we hardly ever see them in the same shot. Towards the end, we assume (or at least I did) that they were yelling in each others faces, except right at the end it turns out they were facing the audience singing. It’s really, really disconcerting at times.

Tom: I suspect there’s a Pepper’s Ghost effect going on there too: a semi-transparent mirror, like you see on ghost trains. It’s a nice shtick, just very confusing.

Tim: Other than that, though – pretty good, albeit slightly High School Musical. The yelling is a bit off-putting – I know it’s a singing competition, and you want to get your reassuring message across, but you don’t need to go all Big Bad Wolf and try to blast the stadium walls down.

Tom: I was about to complain about you complaining about that, but then I saw his face during the second act as he’s doing his full-on Acting And Singing, and yeah, I’ve got to agree.

Tim: Nice message – it’s hard to imagine “pick yourself right back up, you’re better than just good enough” going down too badly – and decent melody, and I’d give decent odds for at least mid-table finishing, possibly top 10.

Tom: That’s optimistic, but perhaps not duly. It’s a good song.

Tim: Okay, now, prepare yourself: I guess that, in the end, it just WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. HAHAHAHAHAHA oh wait you’re not laughing, you probably didn’t get it. Basically, it’s a really funny joke based on the fact that the title of the song is “Good Enough”, and yet the song itself was not, as it turned out, “Good Enough”.

Tom: …

Tim: You know, because you’d expect it to be “Good Enough” because the song is called “Good Enough”, but in the end it actually wasn’t “Good Enough” to win. YEP, THERE YOU GO, now you’re laughing. Man, I’m HILARIOUS.

Tom: I exhaled a small amount of air out of my nose.

Saturday Reject: SMILO – Weight Of The World

“Standing behind a mixing desk that probably isn’t even plugged into anything”

Tim: Sweden, well known for its EDM output, so what will we get when we put a newish act on stage at the country’s largest music competition?

Tim: Well, for starters, we get two thirds of the act standing behind a mixing desk that probably isn’t even plugged into anything, with a TV on front that for some reason is displaying what appears to be the old Doctor Who opening title sequence.

Tom: See, I went with “old-school Winamp visualisation”, so you know, there are our different reference points.

Tim: On the other hand, we get a great dance track with two good choruses, vocal and instrumental, sparks flying all over the place, and the heart in the bottom left going somewhat mental.

Tom: Mm. It is a bit Aviici-lite, though, isn’t it? I know Eurovision isn’t always the most up-to-date affair, but if you’re trying to do EDM, then sounding even a year or two old might push the young crowd against you — and the older folks won’t vote for it either way.

Tim: Oh, hell no, standard EDM like this is never a good shout for Eurovision – the most recent similar acts that spring to mind are Cascada and Ryan Dolan, coming almost last and dead last respectively. Still very enjoyable, though – a lovely diversion, great way of picking up pace and keeping everyone going, and probably one for my “getting ready to go out” playlist.

Tom: I’m just not sold: the vocals are a bit rough — I know, they’re live, but even so — and the melody feels like it’s been knocked out in an afternoon. Not bad, sure, but this was never a winner.

Tim: They’ve previously been known for tropical house, so have a listen here if you fancy it, but otherwise I’d say they acquitted themselves fairly well.

Saturday Reject: Avantasia – Mystery Of A Blood Red Rose

“I reckon that could have won”

Tim: Just a week to go, but still so many good rejects to go, so let’s carry on with them. Another trip to Germany, and this one has a hell of a back story to it, of which there’s too much to fully explain here; all I’ll put out for now is that Avantasia is a “rock opera project”, this is the first track on an album that concludes the tale of an agnostic scientist seeking to unite the world’s understandings, and that Meat Loaf was at one point lined up to be the main vocalist. As with Gregorian, there’s no performance clip online, but here’s the full video.

Tom: So, this might be controversial: I reckon that could have won if it stood out. A very good chance of a top 10. With Meat Loaf, it would have won. I know that’s a strong claim, but hell: it’s basically a Meat Loaf track anyway.

Tim: It is, and I don’t think you’re far wrong. Disappointingly, they had to chop the end off this album version, which I think harms the track – it hit the middle eight exactly as it should, but then never came back up to climax. Here we have a great closing chorus, introduced as it is by a splendid key change, and an ending to the track, instead of what was an “oh, so I guess that’s finished then”. It went out on a big note, but it doesn’t feel quite right. It’s a shame – we’ve seen something similar before, with Kati Wolf’s Szerelem, miért múlsz?, a four minute track being chopped down. There, though, they chopped out the second verse/chorus, keeping the main structure, and nobody noticed. Here, w

Tom: Oh, I see what you did there, well done. You’re absolutely r

Tim: Having said all that, this did well enough – got through to the final three, and that shows just what a strong contender it was. Just imagine what could have been. Mind you, I still think Germany picked the best one in the end, and I’m fairly sure these guys don’t mind too much.

Saturday Reject: Margaret – Cool Me Down

“I find myself almost angry.”

Tim: Most of the time when we look at rejects, I’ll think either “yep, sensible” or “okay, this could have worked but I guess we’ll see what happens”. Here, though, I find myself almost angry with the 35.89% of the Polish people who wanted to send a dreary ballad sung by guy standing wailing on a stage, over this. Annoyingly, the proper performance isn’t available online, but here’s the lyric video (with a muted-for-copyright-reasons performance here if you want to try and sync them up – it’s slightly worth it).

Tom: And that’s the first use of “on fleek” to make it into a song we’ve reviewed. Thinking about it, I’m surprised it wasn’t sooner.

Tim: Admittedly, this isn’t the sort of music that I’d choose to listen to – I wasn’t remotely sold on it until the chorus came along – but what we undeniably have here is a modern 2016 sounding song.

Tom: That’s true: it’s Rihanna-style, isn’t it? Perhaps with a bit more pop in it. Admittedly though actually including the lyrics “run this town” in there is getting a bit too close.

Tim: Stylistically at the very least, this is what gets you put on the Radio 1 A-list, and invited on the X Factor results show to perform. And the best thing that it doesn’t say “got the style, we’re done” but it’s a great example of the genre. I can see this performing well, I can see it getting a top 10 placement, rather than ducking out mind-table in the semis. Were it to get a release via a major label with enough pushing, this could hit the charts – it really is a great track.

Tom: Yep. Again: not quite my style, but this could have done very well indeed.

Tim: In short: POLAND YOU’RE MORONS except for the 24.72% of you who did vote for it.

Saturday Reject: Linda Bengtzing – Killer Girl

“The end of an era for Melodifestivalen.”

Tim: Some, including me, were commenting on the Twitters at the end of heat 4 whether this year finally marked the end of an era for Melodifestivalen.

Tom: Given that name, I’m guessing you mean the era of schlager?

Tim: Indeed – there were three notable entries, unashamedly pop. One of those ended up not performing; then we had After Dark, coming seventh in the third heat, and then we had this. I won’t say where it came, because I think it would break my heart to actually type it.

Tom: Blimey, she’s shaved her head! And it suits her. As for the music… well, you can add all the heavy beats you want, that’s clearly schlager.

Tim: Admittedly, it could be said that it’s time to move on – this music was beginning to sound dated probably five years ago, even for Eurovision; key changes have been decreasing in number for several years.

Tom: And they haven’t won in… well, a good few years now.

Tim: Nope – you’ve got to go back to 2007, and before then 2001. 2007 an interesting winner, actually – not only the only song in 15 years to have won with a key change, also the only non-English song to have won since 1998, and all that despite being a bit rubbish.

Despite that, for many people, key changes and schlager are what defines Melodifestivalen. The bright purple and yellow. The outstanding spark fountains. The…well, it’s almost hard to put into words, because no singular components really define it, but we all know it when we see it, and love it. And yet we also realise that it’s not suitable for a Eurovision entry, and so is apparently not suitable for a Eurovision selection program. A big, big shame, even if the signs have been on the walls for a while now.

Tom: I can’t disagree with you. I don’t think it deserved to be last, though.

Tim: No. No, it didn’t.

Saturday Reject: Samanta Tīna – We Live For Love

“Heck of a dress.”

Tim: Remember Germany last year, when the person who’d been chosen to represent pulled out immediately after being crowned? (If not, here’s the car crash moment, and you don’t need to speak German to feel the cringe.)

Tom: Has it happened again? Oh, tell me it’s happened again.

Tim: Not quite, but something similar happened in Latvia, though it wasn’t quite so last minute – just after performing, Samanta rushed over to say that actually, she didn’t think her song was good enough, and wanted to withdraw. That was with a different song, though – here’s her second song, which somehow didn’t make it past the first heat.

Tom: Heck of a dress.

Tim: Isn’t it just? I mean, in any sane world, that dress alone should be enough to get her a pass straight to the final – we may have had projection mapping a few weeks back with Wiktoria, but I’m fairly sure this is the first time clothing has ever been used for set design.

Tom: Also, full marks for eyelashes. Not sure about the interpretive dance in the background though.

Tim: Well, they could just hide behind the dress. (Again, not something you could say about many clothes.) Sadly, though, that seemingly wasn’t enough to overcome things like that weird slightly nasal tone her voice takes on in the chorus, or – well, I don’t know, really, because that’s the only thing I don’t like about this.

Tom: There are a couple of duff notes in there, and while that’s a harsh thing to grade on when the rest of her performance is great — Europe’s voters won’t give any leniency there.

Tim: I’d have thought the rest would be good enough to proceed through at least the semi-final, but alas, no – guess she’ll have to try another year. After all, after your fifth attempt you might as well keep on going, right?

Saturday Reject: Freddy Kalas – Feel Da Rush

“The moment I realised Daz Sampson was not a uniquely British institution.”

Tim: 21st February 2016, 21:30 GMT. The wonderful, joyous moment I realised Daz Sampson was not a uniquely British institution.

Tim: Now I watched this, and had that moment. It was wonderful, he was my new favourite, but obviously it’s ridiculous, and it couldn’t possibly get voted through.

Tom: Good heavens, that’s ridiculous. And amazing. And… wait, what happens with that cut at 0:16? Have they got two steadicam operators, both rotating around him? That sort of sums up the whole thing right there. How did that even get to the main show?

Tim: Which was my thought – there were better songs, there were bigger reactions in the crowd – just, why? So I kept blathering on Twitter, made my predictions for the Gold Final (top four), as is my wont during selection programmes, but then after the third only one had got through, I posted “Blimey, I’m having a shocker on the predictions front tonight. Maybe Norwegian Daz will get through.”

AND THEN HE BLOODY DID. AND I SMILED SO MUCH THAT TEARS CAME TO MY EYES.

Tom: You’re kidding me.

Tim: Actual tears, Tom. So then he performed again, and I realised I’d been paying so much attention to his hat, and the girls with the floral necklaces, and the enormous spark fountains, and the mixing desk disguised as a cocktail bar, and all the very very caucasian people that I had somehow not noticed that he kept that cod Jamaican accent going throughout and that, weirdly, I quite liked it as a track.

Tom: It sounds like someone mixed Aviici with Peter Andre. And gave him some steel drum samples and a ludicrous t-shirt. And then actually made the song catchy.

Tim: It’s utterly ridiculous, but it’s just a whole lot of fun. And then to top it all off – in the end, he actually came second, coming well ahead of even Norway’s favourite boyband, Suite 16. It was absolutely wonderful.