Author: tom

Caramella Girls – Boogie Bam Dance

Oh no. No, no, no.

Tim: This is real. Seriously, it is.

Tom: Oh no. No, no, no. I recognise that name. Their previous, incredibly bouncy single has been stuck in my head for ages thanks to several members of London Hackspace. For a brief, horrible while it was set as my entrance music: every time I touched my Oyster card to the door to unlock it, that damned song would blast out. I’m not listening to this.

Tim: Spoilsport.

Tim: I LOVE it. But only as a whole – the music is admittedly fairly awful (unless I’ve got a lot of WKD in me), and the video’s slightly appalling as well. Together, though? OUTSTANDING. And horribly catchy, so the music will be in my head for the rest of the day and the video won’t be and it’ll be a nightmare. OH GOD.

Tom: Welcome to my world, Tim. I can’t even review it properly: hearing it just causes this intense, burning desire to stop listening.

Tim: One thing in particular I’m a big fan of, though: the animated massive sweeping Eurovision-style crane shots they’ve got going on. They really convey the size and magnificence of the huge stadium they’ve, um, drawn.

Tom: I checked the video on mute. You’re right.

Tim: Fans of this may wish to check out their previous work – as you say, and disturbing as it may seem, this is not a novelty one-off. Have a 24-video YouTube Mix.

Tom: Don’t do it, folks. Save yourself while you can.

Kobojsarna – Timeless

CHOON.

Tim: This, I like. It’s BANGING, as they say.

Tom: It certainly does qualify as a CHOON.

Tim: The chorus bits have a great tune to them, and even though the verses are somewhat dull in comparison, they’ve got that very fast beat underlying them which just keeps it going unrelentingly. It’s not far off some of Basshunter’s or even Scooter’s best work, and it’s very good indeed.

Tom: A bold claim, but I’ll let it pass because yes, I can imagine HP Baxxter shouting most of these lyrics. The trouble is, Kobojsarna’s not HP Baxxter. HP Baxxter could just about pull off the absolutely appalling “epic winning for the win” and make it sound tolerable. As it is – it just grates terribly, and on its own it’s enough to make me consign this track to the bin.

Tim: Shame. One thing, though: in the third/sixth lines of the chorus-ish bits (where he sings “legends in our own time” or “we’ve got nothing but time”) I want to sing “I’ll follow you wherever you go”; is that from another song that sounds similar?

Tom: No idea: perhaps our readers know? And if so, can they also tell me what the damn bouncy-loop sample they’re using in the first twenty seconds is taken from?

Tim: Ah, well, that one I was also wondering about. At first I thought it reminded me of He’s A Pirate. But then I checked and it wasn’t that. Hmm. Although I have realised what the first one was – the song we reviewed only last week, Vincent’s The Moment I Met You.

Rikke Lie – Better Off

I haven’t really got a clue what’s meant to be happening here.

Tim: I laughed very hard at one point in this video; I will not spoil it for you yet.

Tom: Hmm, okay. Let’s see. What?… okay. What?

Tim: Indeed – I haven’t really got a clue what’s meant to be happening here either.

Tom: Gorgeous voice, though, and a lovely major-key ballad, so I don’t really mind. Is that autotune I hear at about 2:20 though, on that sliding note? And again, on the ‘awa-a-y’ at 3:07? It’s a shame, because it doesn’t sound like she really needs it.

Tim: Isn’t that just a wavering voice?

Tom: It sounds just a bit too digital for that. I could be wrong, though.

Tim: Anyway, it’s the video I’m wondering about – she’s clearly got an ‘I’m happy you’ve pissed off’ vibe going on throughout the lyrics, yet we also have a sad tale of two lovers (we’ll ignore the fact that they’re anthropomorphised fridge magnets for now) who desperately want to be with each other but can’t be. Is her song meant to be some sort of reassurance to them that it’s actually for the best? I have no idea.

Tom: You know, I don’t remember my high school physics all that well, but surely couldn’t the A just, er, turn over? Then they’d fit together perfectly.

Tim: What, so they’d be spooning in perpetuity? Perhaps that’s just not what they want from a relationship. Jumping sideways a bit, though: one thing I do know is that you should never jump from a very dark mood to a very light mood that swiftly without a key change. Naughty.

Tom: Well, there is a significant dress change, if nothing else.

Morten Hampenberg & Alexander Brown feat. Stine Bramsen – I Want You (To Want Me Back)

Lacklustre.

Tom: Blimey, talk about “don’t bore us, get to the chorus”. Not just the first line, but the very first millisecond of the song. Pity that it’s a bit lacklustre as hooks go, although once the beat kicks in it gets a bit better.

Tim: Well, I think it’s great. The underlying piano melody isn’t particularly complex, but is varied enough so as not to get boring, and actually reminds me somewhat of Still Alive.

It is, of course, the sort of music that was popular eight years ago – Ian van Dahl, Lasgo, that lot – and that I never stopped enjoying.

Tom: “I… want… you… to want me back.” Really? Then sound excited about it!

Tim: But part of me really likes that, well, not lack of effort, but understatedness of it. We also have elements of the good parts of Robyn in there, which is nice.

Tom: I’ll leave my smutty innuendo aside, shall I?

Tim: Please do. Robyn does, after all, make good music despite the occasional flaws we point out.

Tom: It could use a few more of her parts, I reckon. Her enthusiasm, for one.

Little Majorette – Never Be The Same Again

There’s a dozen different things going on.

Tim: Even though this is a fairly good song, and there’s lots and lots to it, I don’t really know what to write about it. You start, and I’ll join in later.

Tom: “You start, and I’ll join in later.” Tim’s approach to sex there, ladies and gentlemen.

Tim: Actually, my approach to YOUR MUM last night, and my word did she start.

Tom: Harsh. Anyway, the start of this sounds exactly like ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word’, and it was hard to keep that song out of my head all the way through the first verse. When the rest of it kicked in, though; well, I see your problem. There’s a dozen different things going on, and it never actually seems to settle down into one track in particular; it slides between a dozen different styles and intensities as it goes on.

That’s not a bad thing, but – yes, I see your problem. I like parts of it; I dislike others; and I can’t form an opinion on the whole because I can’t quite grasp it.

Tim: Yeah – my liking of it goes up and down over the course of the song and doesn’t really average out anywhere. Let’s give this a total thumbs sideways.

Eric Amarillo – Om Sanningen Ska Fram

Sounds a bit weird.

Tim: This, to me, sounds a bit weird. It sounds to me very much like an existing dance track that some bloke’s decided to sing over, and almost like he’s written the lyrics without really knowing what the tune is. It might be less so if I knew what he singing, but it reminds me of when someone tries to sing the lyrics of one song to the tune of a different one – sort of, get the words in wherever they’ll fit and hope it all comes together in the end.

Tom: In deference to that, I’m going to be typing my part of this review while touch-typing and staring out of the window of the train I’m on, in the hope that any resulting typos will convey that kind of dissonance. One part of my brain will be trying to review the music: the other half will be watching the pretty Enlgish countryside roll by at 125mph.

Tim: Well, that’s clearly a good idea. But regarding the music, whether or not that actually was the case, fortunately the music and words do all come together in the end.

Tom: It takes a long time to get there though, doesn’ tit? And it goes all a bit ‘Tragedy’ by Steps half way thorugh, with the strange descending-chimes bells.

Tim: And that is something I have no problem with whatsoever – a triumph of the late ’90s, that was. Overall, I think we’re left with a rather excellent and danceable track, if only because it just doesn’t let up and so you never get an opportunity to stop dancing.

Tmo: True, although I think we’d have taht even if ti wasn’t for the lyrics.

Vincent – The Moment I Met You

If you don’t at least sort of like this song after a minute or so, basically you’re wrong.

Tim: The starting a cappella chorus either gets the song off to a good start or a bad start, depending on what you like.

Tom: I’d call that a very good start. It’s confident, and it sounds great.

Tim: On the other hand, the music making its way in to back up the first verse should persuade any detractors, and then the energy in the choruses will, I think, sort out any difficulties.

Tom: Somehow that manages to be both energetic and understated at the same time. I felt like I wanted to clap along.

Tim: It’s good, isn’t it? If you don’t at least sort of like this song after a minute or so, basically you’re wrong.

Tom: It’s rare for me to agree with such a bold statement from you, but agree with you I do. That chorus is just beautiful.

Tim: And maybe it’s the general uptemponess of it, but it really doesn’t feel like it’s three and a half minutes long – the first time I heard it I thought why isn’t it longer?

Tom: I don’t think I ever expected to hear that from you.

Tim: No – me neither. I will go back to form now, though, and say that the stupidly long fade out at the end sucks.

Tom: You don’t hear fade outs much these days, do you? It does seem a bit retro. Let’s hope for a remix.

Daníel Óliver – Superficial

An uncomfortable reminder of INJU5TICE.

Tom: That sounds like…

Tim: A fairly generic Taio Cruz style track? Well, yes.

Tom: Exactly. Even down to the ‘ehh-ehh’s, which are an uncomfortable reminder of INJU5TICE. (No, Ian Levine, we haven’t forgotten yet.)

Tim: But are the verses different enough to make the song stand out on its own? Well, still not really, though probably a judgment call. Is there anything to note about this song at all? Actually, I think so – the BWO sounding bits in the choruses I really like, and the extra variation they bring to the song makes it different enough from most other stuff. It’s not quite so generic, and if I’m honest I actually quite like some Taio Cruz stuff.

Tom: Even Taio Cruz doesn’t sound like Taio Cruz now. He’s moved on. The rest of the world should probably do the same.

Tim: This is good and different enough that I can give this a thumbs up, I think.

Tom: I’m not sure that I can even remember what it sounds like, even straight after listening.

Tim: Actually, you might have a point there. I do remember enjoying it while it was playing, though. And I remember the swearing towards the end, which there was really no need for.

Taio Cruz – Telling The World

I think this might count as Oscar bait.

Tom: I think this might count as Oscar bait.

Tom: Taio Cruz clearly doesn’t mind playing second fiddle to an animated parrot. I suspect that might be because he’s making an enormous amount of money from this. Cue lots of footage from the movie, and an incredibly generic music video designed to appeal to everyone over the age of zero.

Tim: AND, he’s not wearing his usual trademark dickhead sunglasses, which is an interesting change.

Tom: As for the song: well, it’s no “Can You Feel The Love Tonight”. It’s certainly not a “Somewhere Out There”. It’s not even a “You’ll Be In My Heart”. But it’s not bad – and even if it wasn’t attached to the video, I suspect it’d still do pretty well. It is, in a word, rather lovely.

Tim: It is quite nice, isn’t it. Nothing special. But nice.

Tom: There is one unfortunate bit in the video where there are two mirrored versions of himself staring back at each other, looking for all the world like they’re about to kiss. Don’t use that effect in love song videos, directors.

Dana International – Ding Dong

This is Dana bloody International.

Tom: I know we said we weren’t going to review actual Eurovision songs before the event, Tim, but I’d like to plead a special exception here. Because this is Dana bloody International, legendary 1998 Israeli Eurovision entrant.

Not only is she back – if you can count being a judge on the Israeli version of Pop Idol as ‘going away’ – but the single’s being released over here in the UK. And she wrote it herself. And it’s pretty damn good.

Tim: It really is pretty damn good, isn’t it?

Tom: A bit of acoustic instrumentation in there, some serious orchestra hits, and a glorious textbook Eurovision key change. What more do you want?

Tim: Not much really. It’s not quite up to Diva standards, but that key change did make my hands go right up in the air.