Takida – Never Alone Always Alone (Box Room Version)

Not the most upbeat song ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-dDh23OOMo

Tim: Released a few weeks back, it’s gradually making its way up the Swedish charts, and it’s not half bad. Not the most upbeat song ever, but what I particularly like about this version is the way it keeps building throughout, continually adding instrumentation, until it comes back after the bridge (such as it is) as a properly vibrant piece of music.

Tom: On the plus side, this reminds me of the Love Album version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps. What started out as a simple track is steadily built upon, adding layer after layer, until you end up with this complex, soaring, beautiful piece of music. This track is like that, only with the genius of George Harrison replaced by the plodding monotony of Nickelback.

Tim: I don’t know – I think the voice works well against the backing, sort of remaining steady and showing how far the music’s growing, right up to the big near-to-the-end. It is a bit of a shame that it can’t keep that up for long, but nonetheless very pleasant while it lasts.

Tom: That’s what she said.

Tim: Oh, god.

Tom: Again, that’s… ah, never mind.

Tim: Anyway, that, combined with the infectious lyrics, make for a rather pleasant four minutes.

Tom: We have different definitions of ‘pleasant’.

Saturday Flashback: Markoolio and Linda Bengtzing – Värsta Schlagern

A massive Take That to the whole Swedish pop music scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcurPxlG0o4

Tim: This symbolises everything that is perfect about the music we love, although it’s in Swedish. The lyrics, when translated, are a massive Take That to the whole Swedish pop music scene. Thoughts?

Tom: Hahaha. This is Verka Seduchka all over again, isn’t it? Actually, no, this is the Swedish version of “The Winner’s Song“! There had better be a brutal key change on the way.

Tim: Oh yes, and the best thing is that the lyrics before it are “…and here comes the key change!”

Tom: Right. It’s a schlager version of “The Song That Goes Like This” from Spamalot, then!

Rasmus Seebach – Natteravn

Manages to cram in three genres in the first minute.

Tim: This, by a Danish bloke, has been running around the top of the Swedish charts for the past few months – only been out of the top 10 three times since its physical release in the middle of May – and for good reason. (Oddly, it never even got to Denmark’s top 30, even though his three previous singles all made top 3.) Anyway, have a listen.

Tim: I think it’s the first song I’ve ever heard that manages to cram in three genres in the first minute, and it flits around a bit before eventually deciding to be a cracking good dance tune. I have absolutely no idea what the lyrics mean, and to be honest I couldn’t care less, because it’s great. Unlike Bromance, I don’t think that it would quite work without any, but he could be singing about taking out the empty beer cans for all I care.

Tom: In my head it’d be better either as an instrumental – I think it would work – or at least with slightly less repetitive lyrics. That may be my English-speaking brain refusing to accept “Jeg kalder på dig” as a common sentence though; if he was singing “I call on you” then I suspect the words would have faded into the background rather than sticking out like a sore thumb. It’s a great track though.

Tim: The problem I’d have without lyrics is that the non-dancy bits would be too quiet (although not in a Robert MIles sense, just in a dull sense); the chorus I agree would work. However, one think I do like about the chorus lyrics is that they sound a bit like the name of that volcano that blew up in Iceland a few months back. No idea why I think that’s a good thing, though.

The three genres thing is a bit weird, but I think it works. It did mean that when I first heard it I started out thinking, oh, it’s another generic R&B tune, it’ll be just as rubbish as Flo Rida and stuff, but then it got good and clicked together nicely. Full marks, Herr Seebach.

Tom: Apparently they couldn’t pay the video’s actress enough to actually let him kiss her at the end, though.

Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow – Shame

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say: I think this song is perfect.

Tom: How did we miss this? Robbie Williams’ new single, featuring Gary Barlow, is coming out on October 4th and it completely passed us by.

Tom: First of all, let’s be clear: this is not the Take That we’re-friends-with-Robbie-again new single. This is a Robbie Williams track that Gary Barlow’s featuring on. Which is fine, because it turns out really quite nicely. It’s a slow one, and while I always preferred ‘Let Me Entertain You’ to ‘Angels’, I still have a soft spot for ‘Feel’, ‘Come Undone’, and so on. Is ‘Shame’ of that calibre? Well, no. But it’d be difficult for these two to turn out anything that wasn’t at least ‘rather good’, and sure enough this one’s a really nice bit of pop.

Tim: That is lovely. And not lovely like Sha-la-lie lovely, but lovely like end-of-a-Richard-Curtis-film lovely. It began at the first chorus, the second chorus was when I really thought ‘oh, yes’, and from then on it just snowballed to glacier-size by the end.

Tom: As for the video – well, I get the feeling that’s going to be more your domain.

Tim: Well, as long as you don’t mind enough homo-eroticism to fill a Russell T. Davies drama with enough left over to drown John Barrowman, you’ll be loving it. Particularly Robbie’s gaze at 2:25. The slightly sad part of me also liked the timing of the shot glass on the table and pointing the finger about 85 seconds in.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, and say: I think this song is perfect. As a song celebrating a reunion between two friends who broke up (which is exactly what it is and should be), there’s nothing it should have that it doesn’t. And it also fits in Toys R Us, which adds at least five bonus points.

Tom: Whoa, hang on. There’s no way this song is perfect. The Toys R Us reference grates like hell, the comedy ending will get old very quickly – they are not Me First and the Gimme Gimmes – and it’s really all that memorable. Does it tick all the boxes? Yes. Is it perfect like the medley off the end of the Beatles’ Abbey Road? No. No it’s not.

Tim: I’m not saying the song’s perfect in a best song of all time way, just in a sense of being absolutely and entirely appropriate for the current stage of their music careers. It’s a song about friends getting back together and forgetting old differences, and in that setting I think it’s brilliant.

Same Difference – Shine On Forever (Photo Frame)

Who?

Tim: I always get these guys confused with Peter Kay’s 2 Up 2 Down. A full three years since they were on the X Factor, they’re having another go at releasing stuff.

Tom: Who?

Tim: After they failed the first time when they targeted the kiddy market*, they’ve come up with this more grown-up track. Normally you’d only use a brackety bit in the song’s name if the main title wasn’t in the lyrics; here I get the impression that each of them wanted a different title so they had to compromise.

* As in, the market of children buying music, not a market where people can buy… yeah, anyway.

Tom: No, seriously, who?

Tim: It’s not a bad tune, and the vocal bit of the chorus especially is nice; it could be so much better, though, with a decent instrumental bit behind it, and not some dull GarageBand loop**, which is what it sounds like. The chorus could be proper wave-your-hands-in-the-air, instead of yeah-this-is-okay-lets-keep-going.

** Not that stock loops are necessarily any indication of quality one way or the other: compare and contrast the sublime Symphonies with the dire Umbrella.

Tom: Hmm.

Shine on forever
The picture is so clear
I’ve had the greatest moment…

…of your career? About three years ago?

Andreas Johnson – Solace

It kicks in like a mule.

Tim: Andreas Johnson (known primarily for his aptly-titled 1999 hit, Glorious), has got a new song out. The chorus received its debut over the summer as the theme tune to Sweden’s version of The Biggest Loser*; the full song was released a week or two ago, and it’s called Solace.

* A reality TV show which is not, as I had hoped, a sort of X Factor for uber-geeks – instead it’s a ‘let’s all watch the fatties try to lose weight’ show.

Tom: What a fantastic song – and what a shame that YouTube has knackered the sound quality on it. There’s almost Polyphonic Spree levels of instrumentation there, all cranked up to 11, and it’s been destroyed by compression. If you have Spotify, listen to it there; it’s still overcompressed, but it’s not quite as bad.

Tim: Overall, and after a few listens, I think I quite like this. The chorus is good – lyrics are a bit generic, but they’re very singable, with a good tune – and the instrumentation is excited and energetic. And I’m not quite sure why exactly, but I really really like the bridge before the final chorus.

Tom: This is the first time in a long while I’ve heard the opening bars of a song and just said “oh, yes”. I always liked Glorious for its over-the-top production, and nearly ten years later it’s good to see that not too much has changed.

Tim: That final chorus, though, is one of a few things I’m not so keen on (another is that the verses can sound a bit whiny) – I know the lone voice fits perfectly with the ‘there’s a place where all the madness disappears’ and stuff, and so technically it’s a good ending for the song, but personally I would much prefer it if, say, the instrumentals had kicked in for one last bit, maybe the second half of the last chorus: ‘…I’ll be falling too. NOISE When you’re stuck…’ That’s just me, though.

Tom: You’re absolutely right. It kicks in like a mule, but just dies out like a simile you can’t think of an ending for. It needs to end on a bang, not a whimper. And a key change.

Tim: I disagree – I know I said I’d prefer it if the song finished with a bang, and I would, but as the song it is, it can’t. The song is about leaving this world behind and moving on to a place where Andreas and the listener can be free to relax and feel calm.

Tom: The Peak District?

Tim: Quiet, you. I’m trying to have a serious moment here. A loud ending would destroy all that. If the words were completely different, then yes, definitely finish it loud. Right now, though, the ending is exactly what it should be.

Saturday Flashback: Sanna Nielsen – Devotion

Camp, happy and harmless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxR44EktJ9E

Tim: This is camp, happy and harmless, along the lines of Bellefire’s Perfect Bliss (and a similarly perfect style of bridge exit), was released back in January and has been hanging around on radio playlists and lurking in the iTunes charts ever since. The word on the schlager grapevine is that it was rejected from this year’s Melodifestivalen, but they decided to put it out there anyway. As far as I can tell, they never made a video, and I strongly suggest you don’t use that YouTube link as your only lyric source. They make for quite fun reading, but as it says at the end, “Maybe the text is wrong but the mostly is right.”

Tom: How can a song that camp and harmless – and I agree with you, it is – remind me of a military march? It’s the endless, plodding, one-two-one-two beat in the background, I think. I can see why it didn’t go into Melodifestivalen: to me, it sounds a bit like it’s been written by a six-year-old, plodding up and down the keyboard playing simple scales. It’s a pity, because it started with such promise: there’s more spark and creativity in that initial seven seconds than there is in the whole rest of the track. Even the key change just seems dutiful and by-the-book rather than actually injecting any new life into it.

Tim: I suppose that might be partly why I like it – it’s nothing special at all, strictly formula, but it’s got a chorus that just makes me smile without really knowing why. Just a sort of, ‘aah, this is nice’ feeling.

Scissor Sisters – Any Which Way

A decent enough tune, but the verses don’t seem to have much to them.

Tom: The new Scissor Sisters single – the second one off the new album – is out today.

Tom: I don’t know what’s more surprising – that the Scissor Sisters are still going, or that they’re still good.

Tim: Hmm. I loved Fire With Fire, and this one doesn’t really live up to it for me. It’s still a decent enough tune, but the verses don’t seem to have much to them and are largely forgettable; thirty seconds after I’ve heard it I’m remembering it as just one repeating chorus, which I will probably be singing to myself for at least the next 24 hours.

Tom: The video’s a textbook case of ‘chuck in as many ideas as you can, some of them will work’, but somehow it still seems like a cohesive whole.

Tim: You’re right about that. I like to imagine them having filmed about half a dozen separate and completely different ones and then just cutting between them at random intervals throughout the song.

Tom: Any video which features Ana Matronic pulling open her top and sexily intoning “just take me” has at least something I can appreciate – even if the sushi roll bombardment that follows sends rather confusing messages.

Riva Starr feat. Noze – I Was Drunk

“I found myself utterly terrified 22 seconds in.”

Tom: A truck just pulled up outside my building, delivering something to the hotel opposite. The strains of an accordion, loud from the truck’s radio, wafted in through my window, and for a minute I thought the UK was finally starting to get the hang of Balkan turbofolk.

But no, it’s this somewhat bizarre number, set for release on the 26th September. What is it with the British charts lately and sampling strange instruments? This is getting major airplay, and it includes a damn squeezebox.

It’s dancable, I’ll give it that, but it’s lacking something – it’s a perfect middle-of-the-set track for DJs, designed to keep the energy on the dancefloor going.

Tim: Hmm. The video is considerably more interesting than the song. I found myself utterly terrified 22 seconds in, and spent a good thirty seconds trying to work out just how he managed to get so much milk on his moustache when he was drinking from a baby’s bottle. When I listened to it without the video, not a lot happened and I found it difficult to concentrate on. Definitely dance-floor fodder.

Tom: Basically, remember that time ████ snogged someone on the dance floor for about half an hour and, when they came up for air, found a big group of us dancing a conga in a circle around them? Yeah. It’s the perfect song for that.

Joe McElderry – Ambitions

He’s spent the past nine months turning into Mika.

Tim: Turns out that X Factor winner Joe McElderry’s spent the past nine months turning into Mika, as demonstrated by his first proper single Ambitions (a cover of Donkeyboy’s song from last year), which debuted on Radio 1 on Sunday evening.

Tom: I have to own up here: I haven’t heard the original version, so at least I can’t complain that he’s ruined a song.

That’s not a Mika-style introduction – I was expecting some deep gravelly voice to kick in, or perhaps even Gerard Way in Black Parade mode. Once I got over the fact that he’s a few octaves higher than I expected, it started to come together.

Tim: I think it’s rather brilliant, over all. Obviously not Hera Björk brilliant, but very enjoyable nonetheless. Also, unlike Alexandra Burke’s Bad Boys, it hasn’t got…oh, I won’t go into that again.

Tom: Huh. “Flo Rida”. “Florida”. I just got that. There’ll be a female version of him called “Miss Ouri” soon, you watch.

Tim: Seriously? Wow. Anyway, now I’ll go into Simon Cowell mode, because it’s appropriate. Is it the best song ever? Of course not. Is the ending a little bit drawn out? Perhaps. Could it do without the rather irritating hissing that permeates most of it? Definitely.

Tom: The hissing is probably YouTube compression, to be fair.

Tim: Afraid not – I’ve checked the original broadcast (which yes, I know is also compressed, but not as much), and it’s on there as well. Anyway, is it the best X Factor debut song for quite some time, possibly even bettering Bleeding Love? One million per cent yes.

Tom: It seems very much by-the-numbers, which I suppose is a strange complaint from someone who generally likes by-the-numbers music. So I went and listened to the original Donkeyboy version, and that doesn’t trigger this complaint in my head: perhaps it’s not so overproduced as, well, everything that disembarks the 3:45 from Cowellville.

Tim: See, I love the overproduction on it – I did like the original a lot, and what they’ve added on top here just, well, adds to it, brilliantly. I will accept, however, that the video for Donkeyboy’s version is very very good indeed, and that Joe’s is very unlikely to match up.

This version just seems… empty. I can only assume that Simon Cowell has feasted on Joe’s soul.

It’s what the man does best.