Tag: The Saturdays

The Saturdays – What Are You Waiting For

“A bit of mess, really.”

Tom: Rhiannon sends this one in, and adds “haven’t made my mind up just yet”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WoyeQ0Uo9k

Tom: Well, huh. Neither have I.

Tim: No – I don’t really want to say it, but it’s…well, a bit of mess, really.

Tom: Part of me thinks this should be a Summer Dance Floor Anthem, and part of me just dismisses it as a wall of noise. And Oddly enough, the complaints in the YouTube comments helped me work out why.

Tim: Tell me.

Tom: First, this is monotone. Fair enough, but so’s Icona Pop and this has the same enthusiastic quality that can get around that complaint.

Tim: Maybe – though I’d posit that with Icona Pop there’s more of a distance – volume-wise, or emphasis, or something – that makes the vocals stand out from the music. Here, that doesn’t seem to be the case – flat wall is what you get.

Tom: Second? It’s basically Trouble by Neon Jungle, which we reviewed about a year ago and didn’t like. And damn it, they’re right: only the Saturdays’ track is a bit more melodic, a bit happier, more synthy and less aggressive. That’s enough to confuse me, rather than antagonise me.

Tim: Hmm. It’s…well, alright. Though if we’re mentioning antagonism: whoever was responsible for making the timing of the size changing of the logo in the video not match up with the beat of the song deserves all the punishment there possibly is.

Tom: So let’s put it this way: if this came on in a club, I’d dance. But I’m not sure it’s going on my playlist any time soo

The Saturdays – Gentleman

“I don’t like this at all. It’s awful, it really is.”

Tim: Oh, no, really?

Tom: Disappointingly, this not a PSY cover. Even more disappointingly, I think they’re trying to rap?

Tim: I don’t like this at all. It’s awful, it really is. (Though to be honest I can’t imagine anything good coming from a PSY cover either.)

Tom: Tim, I think this might have to be one of those songs where we just list everything that’s wrong with it.

Tim: Hmm. Well, we’ll start and keep going until the internet runs out.

Tom: The overly-repeated, appallingly bad sort-of-rapped chorus.

Tim: The “let’s name actors! And rappers! And singers! And politicians! And other men!” game they’re playing in the middle eight.

Tom: The poorly-lit greenscreen and clunkingly product-placed video.

Tim: And dear God, that terrible acting. I don’t expect Oscar-winning levels in a music video, but still.

Tom: “So 1999.”

Tim: “I need a Ryan Gos-a-ling”

Tom: I mean, basically, everything about it. Mainstream pop can be so, so much better than this.

The Saturdays feat. Sean Paul – What About Us

“Sean Paul has apparently arrived straight from a Peter Andre song.”

Tom: Unusually, this song and video are available in two versions: and I suspect you’ll prefer the version that completely excludes Sean Paul. We’re not talking about that version because, frankly, it’s a bit boring.

Tim: Hmm – I’d normally say yes to any absence of rappers, but the middle eight there could do with some livening up.

Tim: Oh, it’s not just the middle eight he limits himself to. Crikey.

Tom: Because what we have here is a generic synth-backed Saturdays pop song. Generic video with dancing and arty filters. Generic melody that I can’t remember at all. Generic lyrics about sex that parents of their younger fans won’t notice. And then… then there’s Sean Paul.

Tim: Hmm. He does at least avoid the school register vibe that Flo Rida provided.

Tom: I’d forgotten how good that track was. It’s everything that this should be – even Flo Rida. Sean Paul, meanwhile, has apparently arrived straight from a Peter Andre track.

Tim: Hahahaha, he has and all.

Tom: Now, if you’ve got a bassy Jamiacan accent, someone applies a bit of reverb to it, and you’re interjecting into a dance track, you’re going to sound like that guy from ‘Mysterious Girl’. Was that the effect they were going for, I wonder? Because once you stop thinking of it as an irritating interjection, and instead a throwback to 1995 and the only thing that makes the song vaguely interesting, it’s not all that bad.

Tim: It does make it somewhat entertaining.

Tom: It’s no Mysterious Girl though.

The Saturdays – 30 Days

This starts as it means to go on.

Tom: Never mind yesterday’s slow-to-kick-in pop: this starts as it means to go on.

Tom: Side note: am I the only one that’s surprised there aren’t any Saturdays splits or side projects yet? One of them’s got to be the Robbie, surely.

Tim: I’ll go out on a limb: yes, you are. They’ve been together for five years, and Girls Aloud went for seven years without stopping, Westlife for twelve. Even Take That held it together for six years, so even assuming there’s a rule it’s still early days.

Tom: Really? Wow. I stand corrected. Anyway, another side note: there’s no need for a music video to be letterboxed this much. It doesn’t look like a movie. It looks like the viewer’s constantly squinting.

Tim: There, I will agree.

Tom: The reason that I’m going off on side notes, by the way, is that I can’t think of anything interesting to say about the song. I’m not even sure what it’s about. It’s like someone played the Slot Machine of Pop and it churned out a random mishmash of the last few Saturdays tracks.

Tim: I got a similar feeling – more specifically, that I didn’t really care what the lyrics were, nor was I meant to care. As long as I hear the music and dance, that is enough for The Man.

Tom: It’s just… generic.

Tim: And that is enough. It seems.

The Saturdays – My Heart Takes Over

Says in no uncertain terms, “this is a ballad”.

Tim: It’s less than a month since we last featured them, but the new single is worth discussing as soon as possible. Why? You’ll see.

Tim: Answer: because it’s good. We have, let’s be honest, been very disappointed by The Saturdays recently. In June, we had Notorious, and last month was All Fired Up. Both fairly clubby, beat-heavy, and closer to dance music than decent pop music like what we like here. But this is good. More like the early stuff that was on Chasing Lights, such as Issues. I’ll pause now so you can make some sort of misheard lyrics/tissues joke here.

Tom: “Me and my arse, we need tissues” is generally what I sing at that point.

Tim: Right, now that’s done I’m going to list reasons why this is good, starting with: the calm singing at the beginning that says in no uncertain terms “this is a ballad”.

Tom: To interrupt you there – I found that opening a bit weird. I’m so used to their heavy, club-type tracks that it took me a minute to fix my expectations. Once my brain figured out that it was a ballad, though, I did really start enjoying that song.

Tim: The pause and quiet few words before the chorus beat hits.

Tom: Technically called ‘the drop’.

Tim: The by-and-large lack of autotune.

Tom: Or at least, the lack of obvious stylistic autotune.

Tim: The screamy beginning to the closing section.

Tom: Emotion!

Tim: The lack of Flo Rida (still bitter about that).

Tom: Oh please, you just wanted to bitch about it.

Tim: Yes, and I always will. Until the end of time. Final musing: it’s off the upcoming album On Your Radar, much as All Fired Up and Notorious were. I’m intrigued as to what the general state of that album will be.

Tom: Three singles released before the album? That’s how you cash in nowadays with downloads, I suppose – get as many people as possible to double-dip, particularly if they’re likely to get the album bought for them at Christmas.

Tim: UPDATE of 15th October now there’s a proper video rather than the previous audio only. It is worth pointing out that it is set OUTDOORS in the COUNTRYSIDE, and there are HORSES to prove it. That is all.

The Saturdays – All Fired Up

Less ridiculous autotune.

Tom: You know, I’m a bit surprised the Saturdays are still going. When they first came out, I assumed they were going to be one-hit wonders.

Tim: Are you serious? Despite at least one of them having the musical pedigree of formerly being in S Club Juniors?

Tom: This track’s certainly better than their last one. A bit less ridiculous autotune on the vocals, backed by what I can only describe as a banging choon.

Tim: Less ridiculous autotune? Did you stop listening after 90 seconds? But yes, banging.

Tom: I think you’re forgetting just how much ridiculous autotune they’ve used in the past.

The middle-eight drops it down a bit too far for me, but all is made better by the slow-build ramp out of it. What’s with the dodgy fade-out at the end, though? Those seem to be making a comeback lately, and I’m not sure I like it.

Tim: Yeah, me neither – it sort of implies a lack of effort on everybody’s part.

Tom: One minor point of order though: it’s pronounced “ray-dar”, not “raider”. Just sayin’.

Tim: Erm, that should be “saying”, not “sayin'”. Just saying.

Tom: Git.

The Saturdays – Notorious

“Oh, this upsets me. The Saturdays used to be good.”

Tom: It’s hard to believe, but this is even more highly processed and stylised than a regular Saturdays track.

Tim: Oh, this upsets me. The Saturdays used to be good. Oh…

Tom: Is there a single lyric in there that actually sounds like it was originally sung? They might as well have just synthesised all the audio and got Weta Digital to generate some CGI women to sing it.

Tim: Yeah – I am actually genuinely gutted by this. They were never the most ground-breaking of groups, but the music wasn’t this tedious or dull before.

Tom: And the video’s even more stylised: they’re walking in step like some kind of bizarre stiletto-based army. I’m not sure what’s less believable: product placement for lip gloss, or their track being on actual vinyl.

Tim: There are, however, a lot of blokes who would give a lot to be trapped in that lift with all of them.

Tom: Well, granted. The trouble is, of course, that the song’s is catchy – just like it’s calculated to be. After a couple of listens, this has all the requirements to be a floorfiller, even if it’s rather difficult to sing along to.

Tim: Is it catchy, though? Maybe I’m having an off day, but I’ve listened to it twice now and I still can’t really pick out a chorus.

Tom: Sorry, what? I was still distracted by that lift.

The Saturdays – Higher

‘Very good’ becomes ‘flipping awful’

Tim: This here is the upcoming single from The Saturdays, and it’s more or less very good. The intro makes it sound a bit dodgy, but forty seconds in the chorus hits and it becomes amazing.

Tom: I’d say it becomes mediocre. It’s not got the bounce of ‘Up’, or even what passed for soulfulness in Issues (a song that will, for complicated reasons, always be associated with chlamydia testing in my head).

Tim: Um, thanks for sharing. Erm…sorry, I have completely forgotten what I was saying. Oh, right, the song. Yes. The autotune’s a bit thick for my liking, but the ‘lift it, lift it higher’ is too good for something like that to pull it down. The bridge fits nicely as well, providing a nice bit of calm after a loud chorus before building the final. All round: jolly good.

HOWEVER, all is not jolly good. Because what I have done, rather cheekily, is shown you the album version of the song.

Tom: Oh, snap.

Tim: The single version is here, and it’s flipping awful. The reason for this makes himself known approximately three seconds in. Now, I have made my distaste for Flo Rida clear on quite a few occasions, but it’s only now we can get a proper contrast between a song with him and one without him. And my God, is there a contrast.

Tom: Oh, no. I’m backing out of this. I know what’s coming here.

Tim: He craps all over the aforementioned rather pleasant bridge, which is bad enough, but to top it all off he does that stupid shout out thing at the start (which, given the five-strong band, ends up sounding more like a school register), and then puts himself first.

Right, let me make this clear. In capital letters, because that might be more effective. FLO RIDA, YOU ARE IN THERE FOR PRECISELY TWENTY FOUR SECONDS. THAT’S 12% OF THE SONG. YOU DO NOT GET TOP BILLING, YOU UTTER SHITE.

Tom: …you done?

Tim: Ahem. Okay, I’ll be a bit more rational. You may say, ‘Tim, you could look past the autotune, and that’s there for a lot more than 24 seconds. Why can’t you just look past him, or even just temporarily mute it like you do for granny-mugger-but-somehow-sob-story Rachel’s appalling bit in the otherwise excellent Hero?’

Tom: Did you just call that version of ‘Hero’ excellent? Really? I know it’s well-meaning and noble and all that, but excellent?

Tim: The key change. Just, the key change. But excuse me, you’ve cut me off mid-rant, and I don’t appreciate it.

Tom: Sorry. Why can’t you look past it?

Tim: I don’t know. His presence just somehow drags the whole thing down, because I know he’s there in the background. The small amount of ‘crap R&B’ness that was there – the autotune, the intro that wasn’t great to start with – somehow gets amplified and the song as a whole is just ruined. THIS SUCKS.

Tom: To be fair, it was doing a good job of that anyway.

Tim: Wow. I haven’t got that angry in quite some time. Feels quite good, actually.