Tom: “It’s bloody awful,” says Daniel, our reader, “but there is something about it that makes me keep coming back for more.” That sounds like it’s right up our alley.
Tim: Huh. Didn’t realise the cast of Worms had made a foray into the world of music; I bloody wish they hadn’t, mind.
Tom: Daniel’s not wrong. And I can’t really complain about something that’s taking its inspiration from “Hey Mickey“; admittedly the vocals are artifically high-pitched this time, but it’s basically the same song updated by… wow. 33 years. Really? Huh. Okay.
Tim: What? No it’s not. It’s not remotely the same song. I do hope Toni Basil isn’t reading this, because you’ve just done her an *incredible* disservice. Aside from the titles sounding similar they are vastly different. That, a girl singing to a bloke she really fancies. Other, a song (barely deserving of that description) that is an astounding pile of trash created solely to sell some wanky “all natural” drink.
Tom: Wait, hold on, this is an advert? Blimey, my corporate-bullshit detector’s completely failed to fire. I assumed the drink was just invented for the video, not an actual thing. I wonder why I didn’t… hmm. There’s something weird going on here.
Wikipedia cites the drink “semi-fictional“, and says the singer’s a “performance artist”. Fader calls her the “@Horse_Ebooks of music”.
Tim: Hahaha, I’d forgotten about that. Sorry, carry on.
Tom: I honestly can’t tell if this is a confusing stunt for an energy drink, an artist satirising commerce, or some bizarre mix of the two. And that’s saying something: normally I utterly despise any sort of product placement or advert-culture mashup, but this is mostly just bewildering.
Uncharacteristically for me, I’m going to assume good faith. For whatever reason, I’m reading this as an artist coming up with an interesting concept and following through with it, even going so far as making a real drink to go with her fake persona. If it turns out to be all corporate-backed, I won’t be surprised, mind. Musically, though it stays for one chorus longer than it needs to be–
Tim: Three choruses, two verses and one middle eight longer. Actually, does it go by that structure? I assume so, but I don’t want to listen again to it to check.
Tom: –and yes, I imagine those vocals will start to grate over time — but on that first listen, reading it as a pop song rather than an advert, I have to admit that there’s a lot of this I like.
Tim: Oh, do shit off, please. This musical thing, if it can even be called that, is completely atrocious and entirely awful.
Tom: The production, while stripped-down, is good, and is it catchy.
Tim: Oh my GOD, and there was me thinking I was the one taken in by musical adverts.
Tom: I found myself tapping my feet, and that’s rare before I get to know a song.
Tim: You know, I have lost every shred of respect I once had for you, even the teensy tiniest ones that might be tucked away in a corner. Every single one.
Tom: No, no, hang on. That’s rubbish, and you know it.
Tim: Well, there was possibly a touch of hyperbole, but do go on.
Tom: You’ve literally sent advertising jingles to me before, Tim. Not even vaguely hidden ones. Actual soundtracks to adverts off the telly, with “Advert” in the title of the video, and then you had a conversation with a hypothetical in-your-head version of me where you defended EXACTLY THIS SORT OF THING.
I believe I countered with Spacey, the Incoherent Badly-Informed Anti-Capitalist Protester Hand Puppet, but then that was nearly four years ago and we’ve moved on since.
Tim: Two things: first, I will give you Shakeaway, which is probably the closest situation we’ve had to this one – it got sent in, I didn’t realise it was an advert; I’ll also point out that (a) you gave me exactly this kind of response that I’m giving you now and (b) that was a vaguely enjoyable track to listen to.
Second, Yeo Valley wasn’t pretending, and my love for that is based on the music, which (give it its due) is great – it’s a lovely boyband track, fantastic key change, good looking guys, shiny tractors and above all HAPPY FRIESIANS. Sure, it’s an advert for a product, but CAPITALISM ALERT pretty much every track that’s recorded is going for sales, that one just crossed the line between medium and product.
Tom: So don’t go saying you’ve lost “all respect for me”, matey, just because I’ve either parsed an incompetent marketing scheme as an actual pop song, or been impressed by a performance artist who’s over-committed to her work.
Don’t you dare call me on crossing that line, not without recanting every bloody time you’ve suggested that the line doesn’t exist.
Tim: An incompetent marketing scheme (or what was potentially a genuine marketing scheme) that is SHEER BLOODY AWFUL. Remember when I said I didn’t want to listen to it again? I genuinely meant that, because my main problem here isn’t to do with the bit that it’s an advert, it’s that it’s a truly terrible track.
Throw these at me all you like, I’ll bat them back. Again, difference – Joe McElderry’s one wasn’t paid for by Coke, it was (however weirdly) decided upon by Joe/his management as a song to release. Sure, they probably made money from it, but that was a genuine “let’s record this because I want to sing it” track.
Tom: And here’s my point: that’s what this might be. In fact, I’m reading it as something stranger: there’s a plausible scenario where this is an artist creating a weird, all-in-one performance art and product design thing, and in that case, it’s working.
Tim: Hmm, still a bloody awful piece of music, though.
Perhaps we’ve gone on enough; I’ll go eat my yogurt (and fried chicken as well, I’m surprised you forgot about that), and you stick with
your energy elixir, and I suppose I can at least wish you well with all the “upward shine, vertical connectivity and personal growth” it brings you.